OK, maybe I WAS wrong: The Genuine Edition

Dear Everyone,

I was honest in the post below, but I have to issue an update.

While I have felt anger, sadness and addled, I think I do owe you all an apology. While I feel stressed but mentally sound, I've come to suspect that maybe I'm not. I think the situation with my mom has made me not be my best self. I've adjusted meds, kept in close contact with my therapist and psychopharmacologist, so like I said, I feel like I've been trying to stay on top of my game. My obsession with loyalty and genuine friendship have nothing to do with privacy issues or how anyone chooses to conduct themselves on FB. It's a free country and I don't say that with any snark.

I'm going to disappear for a while simply because if something is wrong with me, I don't want to publicly humiliate myself any longer. I have been told so many different stories that I don't even know what to believe anymore. I have an appointment with my doctor so that he can assess if I'm off the rails. I just don't know up from down. I think my issues with dealing with my mom of late have led me to conflate these same issues to all the people around me. Again, I'm sorry.

I do plan to continue writing here and there will be no password. 

If this makes no sense to you, carry on. This too shall pass. Come back later, and things will be back to normal, whatever that is.


Well Hell, Woman

I don't think this is going to surprise most of you, but after much thought, I'm hanging up my blogging hat. After nearly eight years, I feel Derfwad Manor has run its course. I actually feel it ran its course a good while ago, but I just couldn't let it go.


Unlike in the past, this is not a reaction to anything other than that it's time. The quality and consistency of posts have gone down and the pesky breaks are getting longer. My love for Johnny Depp has, frankly, waned. Now it's all about Mark Ruffalo and Peter Quinn from Homeland. I think blogs have seasons and I can feel this one's is over. 


The main reason I've been hanging on is because of of the community we've built over time. I can't speak for you, but without it, my life would be far less satisfying. I know many of you nearly as well as you know me. I've been reading your generous, thoughtful comments (and blogs) for years and had the privilege of meeting a number of you. I've met your families and slept in your homes.


Thank you for that.


So with all this in mind, I hope we can start a forum to keep on trucking, together. I'm thinking we should start a private Facebook group. I'm not very well versed in forum platforms so if any of you have better ideas, please let me know. If you're interested in creating a group, leave a comment on this post on DM's Facebook page and I will invite you to join. I'm going to keep the blog open a few weeks so everyone knows the scoop, and then I'm going to pull the old broad down to eliminate monthly hosting fees.


I began Derfwad Manor when I received a laptop from my family on my 40th birthday. Thank you to them for kicking off a really amazing ride.


May your Secret Boyfriends remain loyal and your hair keep looking good. If you are ever in Seattle, let's have coffee. I mean it ( See you in the funny papers.


Full Confessional Friday! 10/16/2014

Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister. 


The Certainty of Uncertainty

Mrs. G. sat down six hours ago to write a long overdue update of her life in the margins. September was a trying, uphill month for a number of reasons she is incapable of explaining with any clarity. And should she? Of course she should, because who wants to miss a minute of her ongoing, continually unfolding Lifetime drama: Stout Middle-Aged Woman Searching for Meaning in the Walgreens Candy Aisle

That's right. Mrs. G. lives at the corner of happy and healthy. Just not in September.

It all started with Algebra, hours and hours of tackling it head on, day after day. Mrs. G. couldn't get it because she never got it. Her last required math class was in high school, taught by a man, Dan Hedgeman, who was counting the months until he was eligible for retirement, Mr. Hedgeman smelled like old coffee and anguish. He frequently referenced ships that didn't come in and warned his students to "Just wait, you'll see."

Mrs. G. finally saw...she needed a tutor. The battle continues. Mrs. G. is winning.

Algebra was followed by family visits and a stomach issue that required consistent vomiting for a couple of weeks. She'll spare you the details but Mrs. G. feels the need to share that her visit to a gastroenterologist further compromised her lifelong commitment to the sanctity of her ass. When she called Mr. G. to report the security breach, he told her Sanctity of My Ass should be the title of her first novel. She hung up on him. He called her back and asked her if she had just hung up on him. She assured him she hadn't, that he must not have heard her say goodbye. It's these kinds of games that keep their love alive.

In between throwing up and solving for x, Mrs. G. would sit down and try to write, but she kept coming up empty, so empty she started to question her ability to write, to even discern good writing. She felt like a fraud. She was embarrassed. Rather than pouring a glass of ginger ale and calling it a day, Mrs. G. shut her laptop and didn't open it up until yesterday when her daughter called and told Mrs. G. that someone had contacted her to see if everything was ok.

Everything is ok. Thank you for asking. Mrs. G. just needed to take a break...a long ass break. Her laptop sat on the dining room table, untouched, for nearly thirty days. This is odd to admit but Mrs. G. was wary of it. She would walk by and avoid looking at it. There was a peculiar stand off that Mrs. G. is unable to clearly explain. Like her, the whole deal was weird. Particularly since September is typically her favorite month of the year. October, though, is looking a-ok.

There you have it in 521 words. Mrs. G. intended to just quietly slide back in with no fanfare because she hates writing slushy accounts of her good, little, typical life. There are so many bigger fish to fry. Truly.

Fair is fair. How was your September?


no, she is not in the witness protection program


Mrs. G. apologizes for her absence. Back on Monday with the whole twisted story.


Full Confessional Friday! 8/15/2014

Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister. 


Full Confessional Friday! 8/1/2014

Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister. 



Mrs. G. enjoyed the post where all of you commented where you were from. Thank you for that. It made Mrs. G, who occasionally feels alone and flummoxed behind the screen of her laptop, remember this is a thriving community of the world.

So today, she would love it if you would fill her in on what's happening in your life. What's something you are enjoying, looking forward to, struggling to master -- how's your summer? How's tricks? Other Derfs are as interested to read your responses as Mrs. G. is.

So here's Mrs. G's update...she is enjoying finally whipping her yard into shape and hoping to replace her rotting back deck in the fall. She is really (no joke) struggling through college biology and algebra (pre-requisites to entering into her teaching program). It's been a while since she was a student and she's finding the amount of information she's expected to retain overwhelming, but she is determined to muddle through until she UNDERSTANDS it. She cut her hair short after an unfortunate night she "trimmed" her hair herself and she really likes the new cut. She and Mr. G. are rolling along (he's thick in his summer umpire duties) and they are both enjoying having their son around for a few more weeks. She hasn't dealt with a depression in months and she'd like to think, realistic or not, that she may enjoy many more months of what she imagines normal people feel like. Her extended family is heading to Seaside, Oregon in August for a family reunion/memorial service for Mr. G's mother, who passed away last month. The family is going to celebrate her life and scatter her ashes in her favorite place on earth. Seaside was the location of many precious family memories. So, there you go.

One more thing. The Derf San Diego gathering Friday, September 12th and Saturday, September 13th can only happen if 40 people commit. Mrs. G. is trying to find a moderately priced hotel that can serve us, but she has to put down a deposit. A gracious Derf has tentatively offered to host us one evening at her beach front home. So, in order to attend, you must submit a $100 deposit (folks tend not to back out when they've made a financial commitment) which will go towards food and drink by Friday of next week. So, if you plan to attend, please leave a comment and Mrs. G. will contact you. She hopes this works out, but if not, there's always next year. If we really intend to be a genuine community (not just online, which is so satisfying, don't get her wrong), human contact should be enjoyed. We don't want to show up at the Colony and not know anyone. Oh, the Colony, it has been on Mrs. G's mind so much these days. Mrs. G. has longed to live in a commune setting since she was ten-years-old. This dream will come true in one fashion or another. Even if six of us settle down in an old rambler with acreage. So let Mrs. G. know if you are definitely coming (sorry, maybes don't count at this point).

Let's pretend we are sitting around Mrs. G's living room drinking margaritas and getting the low down. Mrs. G. looks forward to reading all your responses. When Mrs. G. was on her trip, several people commented that they were surprised that Mrs. G. knew so much about them. The point being Mrs. G. reads every comment on this blog, she has been reading them for seven years. She thinks about you at stop lights, she thinks about your struggles and your children and grandchildren. She sees you. 

Need a reminder?

Happynewyear from Heather Copeland Gattuccio on Vimeo.


So let's get this open post going!