If Mrs. G. Ran the Networks

Mrs. G. has spent the last few weeks working her way through two seasons of the HBO television series, Big Love.

For those readers who haven't seen it, Big Love is a show about a nice, All American, polygamist family. Bill, the head of the family, has three wives: Barbara, Nicolette and Margene. Bill lives with his family in three neighboring houses in Sandy, Utah, a suburb of Salt Lake City. Each wife runs her own home, and Bill rotates nights between them. After a long day of running his hardware store, Bill comes home to his wives just in time to eat dinner and sleep with them. Barbara, Nicolette and Margene raise his seven children and, generally, take care of his every need.

After every episode of Big Love, Mrs. G. spends a few minutes wondering if the premise of this show would work if the roles were reversed. Mrs. G. wonders if viewers and critics would respond as enthusiastically to a show about one woman with three husbands. A show, for instance, called...

Bigger Love, starring Mrs. G. as the one wife and George Clooney, Matt Damon and Brad Pitt as her three husbands. Of course, this program idea is really only in its rough stages, because Mrs. G. hasn't given it a lot of thought. She has more important things to do than spend weeks hours planning a hypothetical television show, but if she had given it a lot of thought, Bigger Love's first season would play out kind of exactly like this.


Pilot: The Wedding--Mrs. G. stands at the altar watching her three husbands walk down the aisle. Their future as polygamists is bright. Their love is strong. Mrs. G. loves George more them all equally. They buy three homes in a suburb of Seattle, and Mrs. G. sits on her ass oversees the move while George, Matt and Brad take care of unloading the moving van, unpacking the boxes and putting everything away. She utters encouraging phrases like you are amazing and I don't know how you do it as she leaves for the office to read blogs and make personal phone calls bring home the bacon.



Episode One: George insists on waking up early each morning to make Mrs. G. a hot breakfast. He gently presses her to allow him to take over all kitchen duties. For the sake of the marriage, Mrs. G. relents.



Episode Two: George, Matt and Brad affably spar over who loves Mrs. G. more.


Episode Three: Brad recreates an unfortunate chapter of Mrs. G's Life in Hair, also known as the 1984 Flock of Seagulls experiment. He spends most of the episode encouraging Mrs. G. to forgive herself for this misguided hair decision. Ultimately, she can't.





Episode Four: George, Matt and Brad give each other the silent treatment after a heated discussion
concerning who gets to do the lion's share of the household chores. Mrs. G. smoothes things over and in an effort to keep the peace, agrees to do no work. At all.



Episode Five: Matt discovers Mrs. G's Secret Boyfriend posts and threatens to leave the marriage. Mrs. G. tries to explain that it's not about him, that she's is just a visual person. After considerable pressure from all three husbands to abandon all past and future Secret Boyfriends, Mrs. G. just lies and changes her password agrees to give them up.



Season Finale: Mrs. G. meets a charming stranger at the Seattle DMV. All hell breaks loose when she brings him home to live with meet the family. There is a cliffhanger ending. Stay tuned-Mrs. G. is already writing season two thinks Bigger Love has a real future.


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Reader Comments (140)

So, the boys are unloading the van. They don't have shirts on, do they? Is there a role for the ol' friend you ran into at Walgren's? I'm seeing her have a real difficult time with this Bigger Love of yours ...

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

i love your sense of humor, perhaps i'd watch big love if it was fashioned as you suggest.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTracy

It works for me. It really works!Tell HBO to poll your faithful readers immediately.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCamellia

I say let the writers strike continue...You got it ALL covered mrs. g.

P.S. Can I get the first season at Netflix?

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPeggy Sez..

"Episode Two: George, Matt and Brad affably spar over who loves Mrs. G. more."


Plus, I would totally watch that show. ;^)

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterB.E.C.K.

Great premise/plot but it's lacking just one thing - another female character to bring out the jealousy/catty angle. I volunteer to play your sister - the one who "takes care" of whatever husband is feeling left out while Mrs. G. is "busy" elsewhere.

(P.S. I did send you a "bog rant." Where the hell in cyberspace did it go?)

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Love it, love it, love it! I should commission it immediately were I head of NBC or HBO!

Starring as yourself presumably?

And Peggy's right, you couldn't have picked a better time, what with the writer's strike.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Poet Laura-eate

PS: I was so impressed by this posting, I had to add you to my blogroll!

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Poet Laura-eate

i'd never heard of big love but i am now a bigger love addict and must be notified when season two begins.

can ciaran hinds play a guest role?

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterlaurie

I hate to get technical (no, actually I don't, I'm that kind of geek) but they would be polyandrists, not polygamists. Just so you can call your spade a spade.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSchuyler

i am totally fine with season 1 but season 2 involves my secret boyfriend and i may need to have words with you about that. but over all great concept. i am glad that despite the writers strike people are still able to think creatively.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterveronique

And then they would all call "Mrs G for President!". Which you would politely decline on account of being too busy with all your husbands.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterM

Speechless. I'm speechless. It's brilliant.

But, um, Matt Damon is mine, honey. All mine.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSuburbanCorrespondent

Wowie, Girl - I LIKE the way you think!

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. Chili

Oh, I definitely think this show has a future, but it's noticeably childless. One woman couldn't possibly produce babies for all three-plus men, so either there are none or there are lots of adoptions. Hmmm. A new twist, I think.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterScout

I would so watch that show.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJennu

I'd watch that show....good luck pitching to the networks!!

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBadness Jones

Brilliant! And even better as it frees up my secret boyfriend Viggo for me, me, all me. Maybe we can be your kooky neighbors? Yeah, that's it. Every show needs a pair of kooky neighbors. I'll have my agent call your agent.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGwen

I'd pay $12.95 a month to watch that.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmy the Mom

YES!!!!!!!!!! LOL!

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermarymurtz

Now THIS is a show I would definitely set up to tape on my dvr each week!! Will this be airing in Lake Forest, California any time soon? Glad Mary sent me over to your blog! Sherry G (no relation to you I don't think)

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGot Art?

ahhhhhhh, not the Mary above my post, but Mary from "A Very Mary Design" . . .that's who sent me to your blog :-) Sherry - checking my cable network to see if they are carrying your show! LOL

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGot Art?

ahhh, the hunks dreams are made of. I'd never miss an episode!

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTammy

Hee hee... Niiiiice. Me likey.
I'd totally watch that show.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCircus Kelli

I watch Big Love too and there's this test on the show's website to see which "sister-wife" you're like. I thought I was going to be boring Barb for sure, but I got Nicki (the one with the shopping addiction) Ha Ha.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermrs. blogoway


February 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterso NOT cool

Is there a more perfect Hollywood leading man persona than Clooney?

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterstanding still

This makes so much more sense because Mrs. G would not have to ply herself with drugs to keep things spicy as Bill does in Big Love.

And I'm sure, out of love for Mrs. G, the brother-husbands would love to add Johnny Depp to the mix!

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJenn @ Juggling Life

Oh. My. God. I was trying really hard to have a crappy day over here, and you came along and made me Laugh Out Loud. The warm coffee shooting out my nose and spraying my new keyboard was worth the much-needed laughter you provided.

Thank you, Mrs. C & D & P.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCheri

Please just promise me this series has parental warnings for nudity. Please.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLIsa V

I don't care about the parental warnings. Please just make sure there is lots of nudity.

If you brought Viggo and Johnny home as #s 4 and 5, then you could have an episode where the husband rivalry gets out of hand, and Viggo and Johnny must use their swashbuckling sword skills to earn their place among those three delightful tricksters, George, Matt, and Brad. (Need a co-writer?)

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbipolarlawyercook

I can't believe it - you just altered time and space (I'm lol so hard it's officially not Monday morning anymore).

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMamaBird

You had me worried there with the absence of Johnny...but I know your love is true!

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I remember when both boys were small, I was wishing I had more help around the house. I am SO not into cleaning, money management, etc. A friend of mine cracked me up when she said what I needed was a good wife. At *first* I cracked up, then I thought... hmmm... that has possibilities. :) I still think a wife would be more helpful than another husband.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdharmamama

So very funny... can't breathe, still laughing...

I'm happy to know I'm not the only person who does this kind of thing. I spent the weekend rewriting the movie The Last Kiss in my head TWICE, once as a comedy, once as a drama.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

I'd watch that!

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMagpie

Mrs G., I am on bended knee. Ah, to wit -- with that delicious whiff of feminism trailing behind us. You made my day.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMinnesota Matron

Your fantasy is Super Sized! It totally works. I Love it. I'd watch every episode and buy it on DVD, too. Not only is it realistic (for TV land), but it hits hard on important social issues couples face in America today--like who unloads the dishwasher...

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa


(sings in my quasi Mr. Rogers voice) "Won't choo be my neighbor?"

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

OK. I'm going to have to go back to actually READ the content here, but at first GASP, I'm too scared. Because, really? No matter how cute - and you appear to have picked some cute ones, that's for sure - would you really want three. Whole. Men. in your life? It seems like it would be a whole lot of work, frankly. And damn, I'm already so tired with just the one.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMadMad

OK, I was wrong. Maybe I could do your version. Not bad at all, really. Oh, wait - who's in charge of scheduling all the kid's nonsense and chauffering them?

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMadMad

If you have any trouble (any trouble at ALL!) finding someone to play you in this venture please don't hesitate to call. I am, after all, a trained actress.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKizz

I'm totally digging this!

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterShabbyInTheCity

omg, all I can say is awesome, lol.

and...I think you were looking at the same list my daughter was yesterday.."past sexiest men alive"

and... I kept wondering where's Johnny.. hehe

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkelli

oh god oh god oh god! That is the funniest damn thing evah!!
Does Mrs. G share?? I could keep Brad busy on his off nights!!

xoxo Bonnie in Houston

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterOptimist

Oh man. That is the Best Show Ever.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPamela

I've been writing this story since I first discovered boys. Makes sense to me!! I would watch every single episode.

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterVallen!! here I was about to turn off the computer and go to bed...nope, not with visions of those three dancing in my head!!

And if Beth has offered to play your sister on the show, then I definitely wanna be the sexy, trashy broad across the street! I would do that for you!!!

You're the best, Mrs. G. Thanks for the laugh!!

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdkuroiwa

Sounds like a definite contender for the Golden Globe awards. I'd be all over that show. As for the actual Big Love, my husband and I love that show, though he's decided that 3 wives would be 3 times the trouble!

February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterOliver Rain

Well as the writers strike is supposed to be over this morning, I think you should plot it out and send it in!

Bound to have much better rating.


February 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMaddy

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