There have been so many rainy days in Seattle this spring that when the sun comes out, Mrs. G. abandons packing and loads her dog Chewie into the car and heads to the local dog park for a couple of hours. Chewie is passionate about the dog park. He books back and forth across the field, pees on every tree, politely sniffs his furry colleagues and inexplicably licks all the legs of the park's picnic tables. Chewie cuts loose and is unmistakably light-hearted, at peace...for about a half-an-hour...


until, invariably, Peanut shows up. Peanut is part Chihuahua, part miniature pinscher and part asshole. 


Do not let Peanut's mini stature and velvety, floppy ears fool you. Peanut is a bastard.


Peanut walks through the dog park gate and within ten seconds, charges Chewie and spends the entirety of the visit attempting, no exaggeration, to kill him.



Chewie doesn't even give it a go. He sees Peanut coming and just falls to the ground like a burned out boxer throwing a fight. Chewie has never indicated a preference to any particular faith, but his unbending reliance on nonviolence leads Mrs. G. to suspect he has a pacifist's heart.


Chewie is cockapoo.



Chewie is a Quaker-poo.


Chewie is Peanut's bitch.


He occasionally makes a break for it. 


But Peanut is relentless.


Occasionally another dogs ambles over to survey the abuse...or attempts to hump Chewie while Peanut tries to tear out his spleen.


Eventually, Peanut's owner walks over, chuckling about what a submissive puppy Chewie is and how he'll eventually learn to defend himself. Mrs. G. fakes being unconcerned and comments on how spirited Peanut is, the same behavior she used back in the playground days when parents--la la la-- justified their child's obnoxious behavior and Mrs. G. fantasized about shoving their kid to the ground.

Is she proud of this behavior? No.


Peanut is a bastard. 

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Reader Comments (46)

Awww, poor Chewie. I kinda wanna kick Peanut.

May 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHay

Every dog park has a bastard. Ours is Spencer. All the other dog owners hate him.

May 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSara

Missus g, if you have to kick Peanut's father's ass, I will hold a bake sale for your court fees, bail and what have you. Chewie = sweetheart <3

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commentergary rith

This would make me crazy. Poor adorable Chewie. I don't know who I want to kick harder -- Peanut or his owner.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter*m*

Just out of curiosity, what do you think would happen if you told Peanut's owner what you think about his dog?

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJen on the Edge

Still laughing at Quaker-poo! Maybe Peanut has a Napoleon complex, I've noticed most chihuahuas seem kinda pissy like that. Except when they're shivering like big giant sissies.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah

I would bake cupcakes for the bake sale. Lots of 'em.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJen H

Isn't it always that way? You could go to the dog park at 1am and Peanut would still show up 30 minutes later.

This also reminds of the playgroup I left because there was one boy who would not leave my daughter alone and I got really tired of the mom's excuses. Sucks.

And, seriously, Peanut's owner wants to see these dogs in a all out fight? And if Chewie decided to defend himself and bit Peanut, you can bet that Peanut's owner would be livid. What an ass.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkellyg

I've never met a min-pin I liked. How about painting Chewie with pepper sauce just as you get to the park? Hopefully the deranged min-prick will take a bite before he realises...

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNan

Peanut is a piece of shit. I miss my dog and our days at the dog park, but I must say we had a fine passle of pups there. They all got along really well, thankfully. I have had encounters with other "peanuts" when walking my dog and all I can say is their owners are bigger assholes than they are. Chewie is triple A-dorable by the way...in case you had not noticed.
One recommendation I have, although this will be a tough one to do right, is to get a pet zapper. They're electronic gizmos that you aim at a dog or cat and it sends them an electronic signal that in some way is unpleasant and they keep their distance. My sister and brother-in-law had one they used when walking through their rural neigborhood and the local curs would charge them from front porches. One zap and those hounds remained in their own yards and dared not venture into the road.
My mother has a cat who is not exactly the snuggly kind. My sister and brother-in-law were visiting once and he just happened to have the zapper in his pocket. The cat came towards him and he zapped it (unbeknownst to my mother). Cat has never approached him since. Google 'em. Pet zappers. The trick will be to get Peanut while not getting Chewie, but you might have to just practice that aim, Quick Draw.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter1Les

I'm on board for the bake sale. Although Nan's pepper sauce idea seems good, too...

@Jen H and Gary. I'll buy at your bake sale, 'k?

Bloody bloody Napoleon complex dogs and owners with no idea about dog behaviour. Do you have a copy of Cesar Milan's 'Be the pack leader'? Maybe when Peanut's bastard owner isn't looking you could lob it at his head and then quickly look up at the sky and whistle an innocent tune.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertrash

Although... @Les that zapper thingy sounds ace. Do you think it would work on small children? You know, hypothetically and all.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertrash

Quaker-poo made me laugh. The whole thing did. Something tells me Peanut's owner thinks bullying is no biggie...glad I'm not in his life.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

Reminds me of the mini pins in my neighborhood who ran out and attacked my dog who, in an attempt to get away, wound the leash around my legs until I fell down and banged up my knee and elbow. The owner stood there watching and never said a word. I now carry a stick when I walk by there and relish the day I get to use it.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJanie

It may be of limited consolation, but based on these pictures, Peanut is not trying to kill Chewie. I'm looking at Peanut's ears, eyes, mouth and general posture. He may be a bit obsessed with Chewie and not reading Chewie's signals that he'd like to play a different game, but he's not trying to kill him. Chewie's signals are obscured by the hair, so I can't read him very well (which may be part of Peanut's problem, too).

Good play is usually two-sided, with each dog taking turns instigating play. It's too bad there isn't another dog playing the "splitter" role if Chewie is indeed over-faced; however, you may be able to split the dogs up and try to redirect Peanut in another direction. Maybe a book like this one http://www.patriciamcconnell.com/product/off-leash-dog-play would be helpful in giving you ideas on how to handle life at the dog park.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJudi

Judi, thanks for the tip. I don't actually think Peanut is trying to kill Chewie--that's a bit of hyperbolic humor, but your description of Peanut being obsessed with Chewie is spot on. He treats Chewie like a personal meatloaf and when he walks into the dog park, it is always a buzz kill. I honestly don't wish Peanut any harm but I do really think he is a relentless bastard. He's like the dog park Eddie Haskell and you can sense a collective groan when he shows up.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. G.

I am going to laugh at "Quaker-poo" all day! Dogs. What are you gonna do? Chewie is adorbs.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTara

Peanut does look like a feisty little guy!

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

Yessiree, the Peanuts of the world usually rule the dog park and they won't be ignored. There is actually a Peanut who works in my office.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterzz

Hahahaa, Quaker-poo. We should get my Charlotte and your Chewie together. They would sniff the park in peace. Maybe next time you go to the park you can tell Peanut's owner that Chewie was recently bitten by a rabid bat and you haven't taken him to the vet yet. Watch out Peanut!

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

Peanut needs to meet the Honey Badger....

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Girl Next Door

I am dealing with the exact same situation, only it's my daughter in middle school. (She is a Quaker-poo, too.) SO buying one of those zapper things...

I love your dog, Mrs. G. Chewie is ADORABLE. Great smile.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarb Cooper

In addition to Chewie being tolerant, you're a pretty good sport yourself. That shit would get old for me in a hurry.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterfluffy

Ooooooh....The zapper. Get the zapper.

(Re: your previous inquiry -- I guess my lack of loveliness is now rather apparent.)


May 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter*m*

@Trash and Barb, alas I don't think the Zapper is suitable for humans...we lack the appropriate hearing for it to work on us. Guess you'll have to resort to the tried and true "grounding". I survived many an eye roll and huff in my day. Thankfully all that is over.

For those who may be more curious, here is a link to a zapper. No endorsement meant. Just wanted to give you an idea of what it is and how it works. http://www.pestcontroldeluxe.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Store_Code=pestcontroldeluxe&Screen=PROD&Category_Code=dog_cat_repellers&Product_Code=DAZX

Peanut may not be trying to have Chewie for lunch, but it sure looks like it. If I were you Mrs. G I'd start a line of questioning. What's your name, where do you live, do you have doggie insurance, do you have umbrella coverage and what is the limit, does Peanut have all its shots, has anyone ever made you pay their vet bill for wounds inflicted by your dog from hell...you know, friendly kinds of stuff. See if he gets the hint and exercises more control over the little shit.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter1Les

That Peanut looks like a yappi one, too.
Poor Chewie. May the force be with him.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCaro

Oh, I wish Chewie could play with Jack!!! They'd have so much fun together!!!!

Every dog on our street loves Jack, except for one shi-tzu-type mutt down the street named Tosh, who starts barking like a strangled wombat whenever he sees Jack.

We have a Peanut in our circle, too - also named Peanut and he looks similar to your Peanut. Our Peanut belongs to friends who've taken in all kinds of strays and abandoned dogs, and Peanut is now quite old, but he is also a little bastard. Something about meanness leads to longevity, I don't know.

Maybe while getting Chewie and Jack together, we could engineer getting the two Peanuts to occupy one another!

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Snow (g)

I think the zapper would only add trouble to the mix. As a dog owner, I would not take kindly to someone else zapping my dog at the Dog Park, even if he is a bastard.

I don't know about the zappers Les is recommending - sounds like they don't need a device in the collar to connect., like the zapper training devices. Are they like Tasers?

We had a dog in our neighborhood whose owner was using a zapper to train it. It was horrendous. She zapped the dog to correct its behavior. Unfortunately, some of the behavior she was 'correcting' was interacting with other dogs. This caused the dog to viciously attack other dogs, because it saw their approach as the source of its pain.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Snow (g)

That's why I don't take Wolf to a dog park...he'd bite someone's ear off for that shite!

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJanet

I just want to kiss Chewie's little face!

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLI Laura

Yeah, there are dogs like humans that I totally want to punch in the throat. Yeah, I'm feeling a little bitchy and aggressive today. You don't want me at that dog park.

You people are cracking me up today!!!

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie

Quaker-poo! That's a dog I could love intensely with some Wookie powerlove.

I can't give you advice. I've had some awful neighborhood dogs in the past and luckily my non-violent nature overcame my evil plotting thoughts. And truly, the damage I wanted to do was aimed at the owners, not the dogs themselves. Sad to say that zappers don't work on humans.

Like *m*, my unloveliness is showing...

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkcinnova

Awww, Chewie! Such a babydoll! I swear, there's a Peanut (and their disciplinarily disinclined human) in every crowd, isn't there? I love all dogs of all shapes and sizes (I have three rascally big 'uns of my own), but when those little ones take on a nasty (oops - "spirited") attitude, it's typically their human companions and their lack of intervention and courtesy that really bugs me. Your running commentary to accompany the photos was especially rich today, Mrs. G ~ Loved the other readers' comments, too. Derfwads (and Quaker-poos) are truly the best!

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKim F.

I like the pepper sauce idea - put it on the back of Chewie's head and neck so he can't get to it himself. What a cutie-pie! I can't stand dogs like Pee-nut - sounds like his owner is a real dickhead, too!

BTW - I checked out the link for the Zapper - it doesn't inflict any pain - just makes a sound humans can't hear but dogs obviously can ...

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterannie

I love your dog's picture and your description of the other dog. Cracks me up.

May 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusie

@GreenGirlIn Wisconsin - my vet referred to that the other day as 'an oesophageal poke'. Love me a technical term.

May 18, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertrash

I find a spray bottle filled with vinegar and water works nicely to dissuade little dogs from their Napoleonic delusions. That or dump a bowl of water on his tiny head..

May 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I think Peanut's aggressive tendencies stem from the fact that his name is Peanut. When I was growing up, every Jason or Damien had demonic tendencies. Was this a coincidence? I think not.. Perhaps the same name-curse applies to dogs.

May 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBuddy's Mom

Peanut's just pissed he's not half as cute as Chewie.

I have a very submissive dog and I love your boxer line--it's true!

May 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenn @ Juggling Life

And even though Chewie's mom stands idly by while Peanut does "his thing", Chewie still loves Mom unconditionally.

Go figure.

May 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie's SoundGuy

Yep, there is always a Peanut. My Ralph has to occasionally deal with a hyper Pug named Bitsy.

Bonnie's SoundGuy, I'm thinking you might be taking this post a bit too seriously, but whatever. It's a free country.

May 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRaina

I feel like it's Christmas! I just thought what the hey yesterday and googled Derfwad Manor and what to my wondering eyes should appear! An updated, restarted, repainted Manor. I've been following you for years, yes that long! I was feeling kind of sad, all the other blogs suck and I thought I just want to go back visit for a little while for old times sake. God bless you if it wasn't open for business! I'm doing a happy dance baby!

Oh yeah and about the post... It must suck to be a Peanut Chew!

Chewie is the cutiest dog in the whole world, peanut is just jealous. Damn rotten peanut.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLizzie

Poor Chewie. :(

vinegar squirt gun small enough to conceal in a pocket-aim for peanut's head-works on biting toddlers too! so I've been told....

May 25, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterk

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