Thursday
Oct042012
another shallow form of procrastination?
Thursday, October 4, 2012 at 4:31PM Mrs. G. 
It's 4:32pm, Mrs. G. hasn't even thought about cooking dinner or glittered any of her motherfucking gourds. She did manage to write her 1,000 words a day and fold a half of load of laundry. She'll get to the other half tomorrow.
So in an effort to avoid scrubbing the tub or mopping the kitchen floor, it occured to her that now would be a really good time to get to know each other. Ask Mrs. G. any question and she will answer it honestly. She will also ask some of you questions and you can decide if you want to answer honestly or lie. She'll never know the difference.
Put down what you're doing. Let your family make sandwiches for dinner and lets have a Thursday night derf hootenanny!
tagged Womankind
Womankind
Reader Comments (88)
How many of you have communed in an automobile?
Mrs. G: Since my family reads my blog I will say that I have sat in the bacseat of a car for an extensive period of time...passionately discussing the bible.
Have you ever quit a job on the spot?
Mrs. G: I have, but it was not a wise choice. It blackballed me from a good company and I was only 22.
Sneaky of you - luring us into your vortex of procrastination...
How many of you have snoring spouses (0r are a snoring spouse)?
Mrs. G: Both Mr. G. and I snore.
I have, Mrs G, on a Florida highway outside of Tallahassee on my way to Miami with a rather reckless young girlfriend and the state troopers nearby :) In the front seat. Holy cats that woman was..... and, OH, well, once we communed in broad daylight ON MIAMI BEACH. Why am I admitting this?
And I always tell the truth...sheesh....
ANYWAY, Mrs G, somebody told me once that women don't like The Who. Do you? Or are they just a guy thing?
What about grey levis? I just got a pair of grey levi 501 button fly jeans and I think the wife is gonna go bananas..but its a new jeans color for me.
And what IS IT with the fuching ultra skinny jeans on guys these days? I am small, but shoot, I don't DO skintight, what is the younger generation thinking?
OK, another question. Seriously, I found a bag of w33d in my yard recently...tossed out of a car, presumably, and of no interest to me. I also found a dollar and four leaf clover on the street last week...well, 7 four leaf clovers....what is the most interesting thing you have found on the ground lately????????????????
How many of you remember Now or Laters and how they would cement your back teeth together?
Mrs. G. Green apple was her favorite flavor.
Gary, I don't like the Who, particularly since Pete Townsend was busted for child pornography and is now a registered sex offender.
I don't like grey levis on me, but I like them on guys.
Not a fan of the skinny jean unless you are 18 or under
The most interesting thing I've found on the ground lately was a budding gardenia that fell off the bush. Oh, the smell is incredible.
I will admit, Mrs G, that last night I was gently poking the elbow of a sweetly sleeping friend of yours and mine, and I am not talking about Penny the beagle...who also snores....
Have any of you gotten tattoos you regret?
Mrs. G: Yes, one.
I'm actually thinking now of all the things I need to go do to procrastinate answering that first question. I notice you didn't ask for a number of times. Or in how many different countries. {coughtooembarassedtosaycough}
Yes I have quit a job on the spot. In 8th grade I got a job at a cheap food joint, and the first thing I was told to do was get the cockroaches out of the kitchens. I walked out, called my mom, and actually filed a report. It was the nastiest kitchen I have ever seen.
No snorers here, but my husband sometimes mumbles or tastes. It's really funny.
Now and Laters scare me now. I have a huge fear of sticky candy pulling out a crown. But I do eemember it when we were kids.
mrs G, REALLY? ICK. David Bowie and Iman are where its at...and John Lennon and, let's see, OH! Iggy Pop! I gotta go get the wife at a PARTY and come home and have that drinkie poo....ya'lls have an excellent evening, and please, ladies, the issue of grey levis, and button fly? Do women like such things?
Gary, I remember liking grey button fly Levis on a particular fella, back in the 80s. I'm sure you will wear them well!
Have you ever dated someone you wern't so crazy about just not to be alone.
Mrs. G: Yes, I was very young and HE dumped me.
Been there, done that. Nothing wrong with communing, although it is much more difficult to commune after you have children.
My husband is very polite and hardly ever snores. I, on the other hand, was just told by 2 people that they remember me snoring on a women's retreat 22 years ago! My husband didn't even think I snored back then, but apparently I did. *sigh*
I am having a lazy day, wearing yoga pants and feeling nauseous. (Do not blame the yoga pants. I felt nauseous all night, too.) Maybe I should blame the presidential debate? I suppose the good news is that it is not at all difficult to avoid putting up the fall decorations, since that would involve getting up off the couch.
Q: Why does the advent of cool fall weather make me want to eat like an animal about to enter a state of hibernation?
Party at Gary's place!
Question #1 -- who hasn't?
Question #2 -- I've wanted to quit on the spot but never have.
Question #3 -- we both snore.
Not crazy about any skinny jeans
Gary and his 4 leaf clovers -- I'm green with envy!
Found a Canadian penny and several shiny pennies recently
Gardenia = incredible. Jasmine is the same. Combine Jasime with orange blossoms and it's heaven.
Not a fan of Now & Laters -- but liked something similar in a banana flavor -- maybe Laffy Taffy, although I don't think it was called that at the time.
How's that procrastination working out for you? I'm drowning in it.
Button flies (flys?) add to the fun of peeling a man. Right after ya shove him against a wall. Ah, youth. (It wasn't against their wills either.)
Naomi, I'm blushing (not really)
Karen, the cool weather inspires chili, stew, soups, crisps, cobblers, breads...all the foods that make you warm, cozy and sleepy.
If you are a chronic lurker, give Mrs. G. a YO.
Have not communed in a car, yet! Nor quit a job on the spot. I don't snore and have no spouse, but most of my exs did snore. I do remember Now and Laters, but I think I'm confusing them with Bit O'Honey. I like the Who and saw them in concert at Rich Stadium in Buffalo in 1983. The Clash opened for them. It was an AWESOME concert! I like grey jeans on men but don't care for skinny jeans on anyone except supermodels. Haven't really found much on the ground. Maybe I need to look down more!
Have you ever wanted to be famous, in a public way ie: on-stage or tv or similar???
Not me. I'm more of a behind-the-scenes type.
Grey Levis are not a bad idea at all, Gary. Skinny jeans? Silly on anyone under 25 I guess. That particular McSweeney's article ALWAYS makes me laugh out loud. It never gets old.
xoxo
Arli, I like the Derf community, but I have no interest in being famous famous. I think the pressure would force me to crawl into bed and not come out. I'm truly weird that way.
Also, other half snores, and I hate the Who.
You have a tattoo, Heather?! How did I not know this?
I've occasionally thought about it, but I am a pain wimp, despite 3 out of 4 babies via "natural childbirth" ... and I hate needles.
I liked the Who when I was in high school. I remember Now and Laters (much stickier than Laffy Taffy) but since they weren't chocolate, they just didn't get much attention from me.
Q: Do you (or did you) sort M&M's by color before eating them?
I eat M&Ms by the handful, no color coordinating for me. I do like to suck them until the crunchy shell disintegrates into the melted chocolate!
My husband wore gray Levi's in the '80's. I think he might need a pair now, esp. after reading Naomi's comment. *grin*
I don't think I know anyone who wants to be famous, but then I live in a household of people who really don't want to ever be the center of attention.
Commune in a car... Of course, when I was younger and smaller. Now the idea seems too strenuous and contorting and I prefer somewhere more comfortable and less risky.
Quit a lame job on the spot, yuppers. Don't remember details, I was annoyed and really didn't care about a long term career in serving beers at a sports bar. No regrets there.
I have been blessed with no snorers in the house. But the hubby has been known to wake jumping and screaming that there is a snake in the bed. Pure heart attack inducing moment. Not sure which is better.
Gary... Grey jeans for men are just fine!
Mrs G... I have to ask. What is the tattoo? And where?
nj, it is a blue crescent moon on my behind and it hasn't aged well. It was cute in my twenties. This may be the biggest secret I've told on this blog.
How many of you have electronic devices in your bedside table? Mrs. G?
Mrs G. Thank you for sharing. I understand your regret. I have a single rose on my chest, just at the top of my boob... It has slowly elongated over the years. I can only imagine what it will look like 20 years from now. It will truly be a long stem rose. Like you, I thought it was soooo cool when I was 23!
1.Yes to the vehicular man-slutter. Although it was a pickup, and a stickshift to boot. Probably in my boot.
2. Love apple green Now and Laters. Now I have multiple crowns....coincidence?
3.Not sure about grey Levis. but do hanker a button fly.
4.I also have quit a job outa no where. I taught me a terrible lesson. No matter how bad your job is (except sexual harrasment situations) you should stick it out until you have another option, because real true poverty is scary.
5. My husband only rarely snores, so no problems. I don't snore, but if really tired I almost talk in my sleep. I seem awake, but utter nonsense is coming out.
6.I try not to sort my candy before I eat them because I am trying not to eat candy and because I am trying to not always be so darn OCD.
7.And I would be terrified of fame.
8. Interesting stuff on the ground, gorgeous puffball mushroom, dead butterfly and cicada (brought them home to draw).
9. I think most of the gourd for brains I dated were just to not be alone. Silly me, I woulda had much more fun.
My question: For those of you who dabble in writing autobiographical essays or blogs...Has telling your stories, either harmless or personal, ever come back to bite you?
I am starting to work on essays about my own childhood, but am nervous at exposing myself, but also feel a need to tell the story. Any thoughts?
No to the car thang, no tattoos, spouse used to snore until he got his CPAP and then the heavens opened and the angels might have sung but I was too busy catching up on my sleep. Quit a job after only a week - a professional contract where I realized I was being set up for failure.
Yes, I eat the M&Ms by color. When they stopped the brown ones they screwed up my whole pattern. Yes, it does have a hyphen.
Does anyone else get a little thrill out of buying things on clearance?
Boy, I can see I am late for the party.
I was working!
yes, but not anymore- take me but take me somewhere with room to spare.
No- tatoos.
Have not seen these grey jeans.
M&M's I like the red ones and always sorted out the brown ones- because they taste brown....
I also sort out mixed nuts.
I eat, Mark will tell you, the cashews first, almonds, peacans and you can have the peanuts.
question- hummmmm- were you ever fired from a job?
What do you think is the next big thing?
What is your favorite dessert?
1) Communing in a car – yes – perhaps more often than I should admit!
2) Quitting on the spot – no – although my job at Arby's in 1971 lasted just one day. After I was told I had just made the "worst milkshake ever" and burned the potato cakes, I figured fast food was not in my nature.
3) My significant other in a previous life did snore, but I don't have to bother with that anymore. Apparently, I snore as well ...
4) Gary – grey, button-fly jeans are the bomb! The skinny jeans are a definite fashion trend. I have that on good authority from my son, the 25-year-old sartorialist.
5) I'm a Good 'n Plenty girl myself, but I, too, am a fan of the disintegrating shell on the M&Ms and rue the day that they no longer "melt in my mouth, not in my hand ..."
6) No tattoo and 7) Once I found $20 on the ground – SCORE!
Major de-lurking here - always read and only rarely comment!
First communality in a car.
Snorers: yes, mostly snorters, though.
Now & Laters: Grape, yes, very sticky-teethy.
Only quit one job in a semi-rude fashion. All others very polite and good reference material. Sigh.
Grey Levis, meh. Skinny jeans--NO. No one looks good in them. Really.
Haven't found anything fun on the ground lately. I tend to look at things starting at the sky & then downward.
The Who is not my kind of band. I've been grooving with some Michael Franti and Chet Baker lately.
M&M's, not so much. Yes, Skittles. Purple & red ones are favorites. Dove dark chocolates by the fistful.
No bedside electronics, except the alarm clock.
I love my tattoo. If I had spending money, I'd get a couple more. The one's on my inner wrist, where I hope it will age well.
Yes, writing a few stories have come back to bite me gently. Nothing that has caused any rifts. My rule is not to write anything I wouldn't say to someone's face.
It's YOUR life. Tell your stories. Those that have a problem with them can write their own.
Clearance doesn't do much for me because I'm not a shopper.
Next big thing: the demise of reality television
Favorite dessert: coconut cream pie
Anyone had a mini/maxi pad escape in a pool. I have and it was horrifying. I just pretended not to see it. I wasn't allowed to use tampons until college.
And no electronics. I don't need one more thing that requires plugging in or batteries.
Mrs G. I once knew someone who tried to pull money out of her purse to pay for her food and pulled a tampon instead. It landed in an old man's cup of coffee. At least it was still in its wrapper. No mistaking what it was though, heh.
HAha! I should have guessed, button fly = :)
Look, the whole fuching in the car thing? You realize that you are so much more comfy in bed under the covers....and then you realize you are now OLD...but then again, you just don't care.
Kcinovva, tee hee! Your confessions make me blush because I have known your family a long time!
1. I will say canoodling in an el Camino no less...yes. Communing thank God did not involve a steering wheel or a stick shift!
2. Snores the paint off the walls the man does!
3. Now & Laters...blech, now let's talk Jolly Ranchers!
4. Only once, but they were cutting everyone's hours and I had another job waiting so...full time new job started a bit early. Believe it or not, no hard feelings we all still keep in touch and go out sometimes. I don't believe in burning bridges in general, and they were not bad people; just a bad situation. I did call in to quit a summer job once, the guy was a pervert!
5. Skinny jeans are EMO, no self respecting adult man should be wearing them. Grey denim Levis sound ok, a zipper fly with one button looks better than those sailor like button front pants. Was that what you were asking ?
6. My Dad always usedto say when he got out of the car "Any money in the curb?" And damned if he didn't find some , OFTEN! My most recent was a 20.00 right next to my car when I came out of a store last week.
7. I don't own any WHO from back in the day but like " Only love can make it rain..." Who OR Eddie Vedder versions, both are good.
8. No tattoos, never will be!
9. Favorite dessert: Lemon Meringue Pie
10 Radio/alarm so music not obnoxious bleeting will wake me up. I wish the tv was out of there, but not my call : a marital compromise.
11 No pads paddling in the pool, but I did have a new wrapped one fall out of a pant leg once. Way too distracted and in a hurry , that's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Questions : What career would you chose now that you are wiser? Medically related
What is the most outrageous thing a stranger has ever said to you? In a parking lot in front of MANY people
"Yo Red! Does the carpet match the drapes?" Reply: You'll never find out asshole.
What is a guilty pleasure that no one would believe about you? I LIKE olive loaf. I know...gross.
Gary - I love the Who and Roger Daltrey was truly my first love. (That was one painful heart-rending crush.) It started when I saw him on screen during the Acid Queen number - he has/had those amazing lower abdominal "vents" (the ones right next to the hip bone that point down to... Oh never mind - strong stuff for an impressionable 14 year old girl!!!)
Heather - Pete was doing research and I believe him when he says he was a victim as a child and was trying to find a way to stop child porn. He is THE guitar God - and I will always love him. : )
My husband SNORES - I wheeze a bit. I remember several instances of on the road "communing" and grey button-down jeans are fine by me!
Communing in a car- Over on the side of the Kansas turnpike.
Gray jeans- button-fly ones on a guy are hot.
Now or Laters- in high school, my bff and I would microwave them for about 5 seconds and then eat them while they were warm & chewy.
Snoring- husband does, I allegedly do.
Found a $2o on the ground once. Good times!
The Who...shame about Pete Townsend because he is a fantastic songwriter. But. My favorite British band always has been and always will be The Beatles. Except for Paul McCartney, who's been a bit of an ass since John died.
Can short girls wear tall boots or would I just look like a stumpy pirate?
Not allowed to wear tampons? I'm freaking out here. I bought my own tampons at the drugstore with my allowance.
What was something difficult that you realized about yourself?
Does the hood of a car count? ;)
Yes to Now and Laters - what about Gobstoppers! I imagine the contributed to a number of dentist bills.
My husband snores - he says I do but I never hear it so I'm sure it's just him.
Sam Bailey opened my purse on a field trip in 6th grade and showed everyone my pad. I hated him but also had such a crush on him. Now he's a plastic surgeon and married to someone we went to high school with. She was such a bitch.
Though I'm very much into music from The Who's days, I never did get into them. I like Let My Love Open The Door by PT, though.
I once found something like $60 in a suitcase pocket, years after having hidden it from my cokehead roommate. I was broke back then, too, I have no idea how I didn't go right back to the suitcase to use that money. It was quite a treat finding, it though - like finding money in your winter coat, but on steroids!
I wasn't allowed to use tampons, either. I recall asking my mom about them, but she said something like 'nice' girls didn't use them. I started using them when I got out of high school and had a job and my own money. I think for a long time, there was a stigma attached to tampons because you know, since they go 'in there', that they could compromise your purity or something like that.
If you're interested in the history of feminine products, check out mum.org, the Museum of Menstruation. They have everything you would ever want to know about lady business.
Bramble, I think I would have been a great social worker.
One time my college roommate told me I was mousy--I'm sure others have said worse things along the way but that one still sticks with me.
Bonnie, I did not know that. I'll have to do some reading. I still don't like The Who but I don't want anyone falsely accused.
Kelly, my daugther is short and she looks great in boots! I say go for it.
I'm also late to the party because I scored a $35 MAMMOGRAM SPECIAL EVENT at the local hospital and even came home with a goody bag with all kinds of neat stuff.
Communing in a car...yes, but not since 1976
Bedside electronics...no, I would NEVER remember to have it charged up.
Tattoos...I would love one, but is 55 too old? I love my son's and daughter's tattoos
M&M's....Oh, to not be a diabetic. I miss them so much
Snoring...husband and I both do, but less since we lost weight.
Clearance...my daughter is a pro. She got an expensive LOFT shirt for $7. I scored a LOFT $60 blouse for $23.
Favorite Dessert...Boston Cream Pie...Yes, I have a diabetic cheat version.
Ashley, let me count them.
I guess one of the most difficult things to realize is that when I had my first bout of depression at 21, I had no idea it would be a lifelong deal. I manage quite well for months at a time but then a week hits and, trust me, I wouldn't wish the thoughts on anyone. I wish my brain was normal...whatever that means.
My inability to grow things and make my yard look pretty is another disappointment. Maybe someday I can pay for someone to help me with that.
My mom didn't believe you should wear tampons until college. It was apparently a Southern thing.