A Place Called Hope or Kitchen Sink Marital Counseling or a Man Who Never Quits Dreaming
Tuesday, October 9, 2012 at 11:53PM Mrs. G. 
Yesterday, Mr. G. came home from work and told Mrs. G. he'd heard a story on the radio about Norway (or one of the other Nordic countries that make Americans look like cave-dwelling hayseeds who eat Crisco right out of the can with their bearish paws). Apparently, Mr. G. went on, couples who split up household chores equally have a fifty percent higher rate of divorce.
"So are you suggesting if we split household chores down the middle, our marriage is as risk?" asked Mrs. G.
"I'm not suggesting anything. I'm just reporting a scientific study I heard today on National Public Radio."
"Well this presents a problem. Who can cook tonight without doing irreparable harm to our relationship," asked Mrs. G.
"Good question"
"I can pull out that can of Crisco from the pantry," Mrs. G. suggested.
"You know, I think it's a pizza night," said Mr. G. solving the problem and likely saving the marriage
They kissed each other kindly and went about their business.
We know some things here, Norway...or wherever the study was based.
Family, Relationships
Reader Comments (19)
I read an anecdote about that study the other day! It made perfect sense to my husband; hrmmmmmpf. I remember before I got married 17 years ago, thinking we would share 50/50 in all household tasks - cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. Riiiiiiight. I wonder if there is a couple in existence that doesn't disagree about who is doing more around the house? Mr. G. is clearly a smart guy (about the pizza night and in general).
Um, ya. I heard about that study when it became news. I also heard there are so many things wrong with that study--the way it was conducted, the conclusions that were drawn--that it's all but laughable in the sociology world. "The study...families who follow the traditional model of marriage opposed to the modern model of marriage have a higher chance of staying married. Couples who share chores are more likely to end up in divorce at some point." Yes, let's think about that a tetch more. Couldn't that just as easily read, "Families who value gender-based labor division also have certain values about marriage and divorce" ? Or perhaps, "Couples who share chores and value the 'modern model' of marriage tend also to share values about gender equality and independence" ? Oh, here (I get too worked up to explain it myself): http://www.theatlanticwire.com/global/2012/09/dont-believe-every-study-you-read/57388/
So getting a housekeeper in once or twice a week will save your marriage? Sold!
A housekeeper AND take out. Sold!
awesome problem solving :-) Dave generally does the cooking, but it's because he gets home first...makes sense! I do the laundry (or well...I try to, but I sometimes forget {am too lazy} then Dave has to buy new undies & socks. We both vacuum, I was the floors (again...lazy, so not too often) and I dust. I usually do the dishes. He shops, too. And he takes requests. <3
I do wonder if the creators of the study controlled for nagging.
Snort. Well played, Mr. G, well played!
I'm with Knittergran. Maid service and take out. It's the only way to save a marriage.
I think the key is less about the ratio of chores, but rather not treating household chores and daily tasks as a tally/scorecard. I do much more around our home, because I stay home with the kids. My husband works hard and when he's not working, I want to spend fun time with him and the girls, rather than having either or us doing chores during that time. Also, he does baths with the girls after supper, while I do dishes and clean the kitchen. That way I get a break from the kids and be gets bonding time with them. That's a better balance to be concerned with over making sure we do equal chores (in my opinion). When we both worked full time, there were days when he did more than I did, and days when I did more than he did. The important thing then, was to give our babies the best possible care and get the work done. We didn't have time or energy to keep track of who did what. There were more important, more enjoyable activities to do in the evening ;)
I think I've said it here before, I love a man who cooks! Good for Mr. G. I've actually had women ask me how DH gets along when I take off somewhere on my own. Just fine, thank you. He can even sew on his own buttons to the amazement of many,LOL!. We are both capable of taking care of ourselves and household chores pretty much get done by the person who is in the mood to do them. It is evidently pretty unusual - especially for Seniors.
Darla
We make the kids cook on those nights! I am sorry to admit this but at this point The Man is doing more around here as my abilities have been limited since surgery. I will readily admit I could do more, but I know it will turn back at some point and I will pulling my considerable weight and then some. That is how it has been our whole 27 years together; ebb and flow just like the tide. Somehow it works for us and when someone is feeling overwhelmed we call Uncle and get things reset without big drama. It pays to have married a guy I knew well and liked to begin with. And when all else fails? We bribe the kids to do something we didn't get around to! They are always up to earn some extra!
I like that Mr. G made an executive decision and remained like Switzerland; excellent marital diplomacy!!!
this is SOOOOO timely: the wife was helping me bake cookies. I am brisk and efficient in the kitchen, and she is, um, slow, deliberate and a dreamer. I get sh!t DONE. She, seriously, pays attention to NPR which is playing in the background. Anyway, i wanted to have an equal baking experience, with her helping. I should have known it would take twice as long and I would be holding myself back as she tried to smooth the tops of the cookies....which, as you know, is beside the point, as they rise and round and who gives a SH!T if their tops are SMOOTH? Not me, but I guess I am a hack. The solution? Back to the seperation of household activities: she gets to smile and look pretty, I do all the food prep ;)
Well, lately my husband has been cooking more, because he is more interested in food than I am at the end of a workday. He made us roast chicken last night.
I applaud it!
I had a dinner meeting last night; SuperDad and the boys were at home. I think they had leftovers and pizza, but I'm not really sure.
Did you really pull out the Crisco? Because that is funny, right there!
I once was bailed up at a BBQ due to an innocent remark, by a man who I'd just met. (He obviously had issues. I understand.)
We were lounging on my neighbors deck which overlooks my house.
Exchanging names and pleasantries I was eventually drawn to the view....of my gutters which were full of leaves from our huge trees..
"Oh, I'll have to get Michael to clean out the gutters." she says innocently out loud, in a talking to herself kind of way.
Well! I then received a 5 minute lecture about how that was a sexist remark, and why didn't I get up there and clean out the gutters myself. (As if.) Remarkably judgemental considering we were talking about leaf removal.
I heard him out, because I can be calm like that and then said, "I haven't asked him to cook a dinner in nearly 30 years, so I know he's not going to ask me to clean out the gutters. That's not sexist, it's just a division of labour that works for us."
...and I walked away...far away.
...because who knows what he may have taken issue with next. I mean someone may have told him, shockingly, that I've never mowed a yard in my life. I don't think I could have come back from that.
We have a deal - I do the cooking and The Hubs does the dishes. It works fine, as long as I don't mind doing the stuff he just can't seem to master - cleaning the counters and stovetop the next morning. What is it with guyz (saving your presence, Gary) not noticing the debris left from a delicious (yesitwas) meal??
And at the moment he has a cracked bone in his left arm, so guess who's doing the cooking AND the dishes. I shall make him take me out to dinner this weekend, soIshall...
The secret to my long marriage is out. I do all the housework!
Not just crisco, BUTTER-flavored crisco.
I do the majority of the cooking. And the housework, although anything outside except for gardening is not my job. BUT we are also flexible, and things can and do get switched around. Plus we have teens and a tween who are put to work on a regular basis.
Mostly the dinner thing is who gets in first from work - and I tend to think about dinner more than he does - he thinks aboiut it when he gets hungry. He has, however, started doing more laundry.
But we've been married 21 years, and so something must be working.