Thursday
Nov152012

Full Confessional Friday!

Residential Hotels for Retired Persons of Limited Means Dot the South Beach Area. The Front Porch Is a Favorite Gathering Place.

Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister

 

Photo: "Residential Hotels for Retired Persons of Limited Means Dot the South Beach Area. The Front Porch Is a Favorite Gathering Place" by Flip Schulke, 1930-2008

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Reader Comments (83)

so today i get a text from my boyfriend's son...he tells me he got a new phone...an iPhone...but his Dad has been sending him money to help him out. he's supposed to be getting sober and working the steps...seems to me like same old same old, take take take and no giving back. sigh...

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercurious

My feet hurt.
Do you think that guy up there would give me a foot rub?

No really there has been some weird family stuff going down,right Les?
If srewdrivers could only talk.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermeredith@whynot

Amen, sister, amen. We need to escape the crazies. Let's get us a desert island and vamoose.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered Commenter1Les

I need to spill it.

I live far away from where I consider my home, the place that I feel refreshed when I visit, connected and concerned for all the people still there.

A couple of days ago an old friend from Junior High was almost murdered. Her husband was killed. She had been struggling for the last two years with a teenaged son who was just diagnosed with Bi Polar. She didn't know what to do, how to get him help, but she persevered. He was a danger to himself, but she didn't believe he would hurt another. She was very wrong. He stabbed her husband to death, nearly killed her, and another adult. I have been haunted by what she must have gone through, how her husband protected her, how he died for her and another while they lay wounded and bleeding. How the babies in the other room must have been so scared. How she might have to go back to that house or be homeless. How will she face the winter in Montana alone, covered in wounds, surgeries to come, with a two year old that has lost her father, her brother, and a mother who is grieving.

And to read in the newspaper (online comments) the horrible things people are saying about her, her family, her home, just because she is Indian. They assume it is about drugs, booze, money. She is so straight and narrow. Works hard, never drinks, volunteers, keeps a tidy house. And in the paper the vitriole, the verbal abuse towards all Indian people. I don't think anyone will understand this is a story about mental illness and the depths of a Mothers love, it will always be seen through a lense of bigotry.

So I miss my home, I don't know how to help, how to release my own grief for her and her family.

And I just found out minutes ago that an Elder from my tribe that I knew well, and was such a fixture in my childhood passed away today. I feel disconnected from my home. I know all my old friends and community members are waking both people in the longhouse, all together, all day and night for four days, eating, crying, sharing stories. I miss my community, for all it's flaws but here where I live I have to put on a work face and get through the day.

Glad this is back.
Thank you.
(Otherwise, life is good)

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

I have a friend --- we've known each other since kindergarten -- we hadn't seen each other since high school, but last year I looked her up (she still lives near my parents), and I visited her and met her two youngest kids. She has 1 child by her childhood sweetheart ex-husband, and 5 with her life-partner man.

Well, a month or so ago, they discovered that she has cancer in her SINUSES. IN her head. She's had surgery, and is now in the radiation/chemo phase. Her gorgeous waist-length hair started to fall out, so she got it cut (and donated it to Locks of Love -- I know!).

Last week, she was put in the hospital in protective quarantine because her immune system was just not rebounding after treatments. So her guy surprised her in her solitary room with:
A lawyer. A notary. A judge. A veil and a tiara.
They all got gowned and masked, the nurses decorated the room with sterile gauze streamers, and they got married right there. He brought in little strawberries dipped in chocolate made to look like a tuxedo and a wedding dress.

She posted a pic on FB of her in a white top and her veil/tiara. She was smiling the biggest, happiest smile! I wrote a compliment on it, and she replied, "Thanks! We wanted to get a pic before the rest of my hair fell out."

Perspective, now I have it.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkate in Michigan

I probably should have waited and posted on this week's thread instead of the last one, but oh, well. Feeling like you're going to explode is kind of like when Nature Calls: there is no call waiting.

I'm taking the weekend off from dealing with my father's business. And mine. I don't know how people do this full time. They must have reserves I can only imagine.

I hope others are doing well.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTC

I just need a place to crash for a while. Tired of holding it together for everyone. Feeling alone and beat up by life. Guess this is a full-fledged pity party, and I know I'll bounce back, but right now? Ugh!

Hugs to you, Molly. I feel for you.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnon tonight

Oh, Molly. How very sad. Oh, I just know she is lucky to have you as a friend and support.

I am confessing a fit of snarky bitchiness about my relatively new co-worker. She is smart and capable, but she seems to think she is the only one who is. We are in the middle of our public agency's budget process, which is very complicated. I've done it for the past seven years, but it will be her responsiblity in future years. So I am training her this year.

She doesn't seem to GET IT, but she's full of advice. And she loves to give me little helpful tips, like "You know, I think Finance has embedded formulas in this spreadsheet we're supposed to fill out." No shit, Sherlock! I've been working these forms for seven years and I know they've got embedded formulae!

We serve two bosses, in two different locations, and she spends some time there and some time here. She is in tight with boss # 2, and boss #1 is snowed over, like "Oh, L___ is so busy with what Boss #2 has given her, I think we should just take over Task X instead of making her do it."

Except it's not true; L___ is milking the jobs boss #2 gives her and slacking on the jobs for boss #1. When she travels between boss #2 and our office, she is supposed to bring with her paperwork for joint work we share - but she always forgets it, so there's always a panic about getting it in time.

But what makes me really want to confess here? Is that I am being a bitch about her, and snarking about her to another co-worker. I know it's mean, and I know it's bad for morale, but I just can't help it. We are making bets on some of her predictable behavior, and having a hilarious old time with it. I know it's wrong, but I can't stop.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Snow

I am feeling so low about teaching these days. Nothing has made me feel more worthless than this. I work 11-12 hours a day in my inner city school. I look for creative ways to impart knowledge and spend money out of my own pocket for supplies most of my kids' parents won't buy. Many kids are being raised by parents for whom education is not a priority and there is no support for anything they kids might need to do or anything I want them to do. It's like turning the Titanic away from the iceberg and tonight I collapsed in a pile of tears because a parent (whose rude and impulsive son...a kid who slaps others and disobeys his teachers) told me that her son's behavior WAS the fault of his teachers...including me...because her taxes pay my salary. I'm still trying to follow her line of logic. I'm stressed beyond what is normal. Downtown can't control the parents, so they ramp up the expectations on us. There are no consequences for kids who do whatever they want once they leave the confines of my classroom and no repercussions for parents who refuse to get their kids to school on time or at all. The cheese stands alone here and I am drowning tonight. I have three kids in college and my salary insures all of them. I can't quit and the district will not allow teachers to seek other campuses for employment. The game of "musical chairs" is over. The music stopped and someone took away a chair. There is no place to go.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRainbow Motel

I feel so fortunate that all I can really complain about right now is the amount of schoolwork I have to do before next Tuesday and that the pesky Achilles tendon injury of unknown origin just won't go away. These aren't even problems, I know, and I am grateful.

I am sending love and hugs to everyone who has posted. Even if we know bad times won't last, they suck while we are in them so I am wishing a moment of sweet peace to everyone who reads this.

I love you. Maybe that sounds weird but I do.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterViolet

so, my doctor switched me from my sleeping pill to a low dose antidepressant. Not because I'm depressed, but because the sleeping pill has long term consequences.

I feel the best I have in years.

Was I really depressed after all???

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercheryl

Molly-

Mitak'oyasin to you and your loved ones. I know how it feels to be far away from that deep, deep connection. We feel it most, I think, not when we are in need, but when we know we are needed.

I'm sending prayers for your friend and the shards of her family. May they find a way to make themselves whole again.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSungmanitu

Sungmanitu, that is a most beautiful expression of compassion. I shall carry Mitak'oyasin with me now. Molly, my greatest sympathies on this situation and empathy at being so far from home at a time of need.

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertrash

Confession: I am wicked excited at the outcome of last week's election. HA! Take that Akin, voters have ways shutting that whole thing down, in cases of legitimate idiocy! On another note, we somehow have 3 parties at my house this weekend plus lunch out with friends and I am wicked busy as a retailer and wondering how THAT CRAZY sh!t came to be...but our Thanksgiving guests fell through which is a fuching RELIEF, actually, so I can spend the holiday eating vegan treats alone with the wife and working my azz off as Santa's little crafty elf :)

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGary Rith

I am so glad this is here --it is a necessity for us.
Thinking of you all as you travel some very choppy waters.
And your sweet replies of healing.
M

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermeredith@whynot

Good thoughts to all in Derfdom.
My confession, I wish it were still acceptable to grow old and become those women in the picture. I am so tired of trying to look and be my thirty year old self. Ill be sixty-two in four days and I want to be the Nana that bakes cookies, and sits on the porch with her feet up after dinner. I'm not that Nana, why, because I'm married to the energizer bunny who believes we should still be able to do the 'things" we did in our thirties and that we can rest when we're dead. Am I whining, yes I am. Sigh...I guess I'm just tired.

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterALBUG

Rainbow Motel, When politicians say they support teachers, I wish that meant they had to give out thier personal number so you could call them right now and make them fix it.

Gary, congrats on all of it, private Thanksgiving, retail happiness, and party central. (And election satisfaction)

And thank you all. I am thinking of a way to spend a couple of hours alone this weekend and find some kind of release.
This place is great.

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

Molly, what a senseless, tragic story. Your friend is in my thoughts. Big hug, my friend.
Rainbow, sighing deeply for you.
Closing my eyes and sending warm thoughts to everyone.
Violet, we love you back.

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermrs. g.

p.s. I have really missed this.

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermrs. g.

Molly, what a burden, for you and your friend. You wrote so movingly, I wonder if you could write a piece for that paper giving your perspective. Perhaps that's too intrusive, or you don't feel you have the right. For some reason we humans somehow relish grinding filth into open wounds. You love your friend, her family, and all those who are your community, who create your home. You are far away and can't share in the hugs and group grief, and I imagine that adds to your pain. Your friend will probably not see those hateful comments; I'm sorry you did. You shared here, and many commented, showing how your words moved them. Perhaps you could write your friend, destroying the little power those hateful remarks carry. The people who wrote them don't matter, don't count in our world; you, your friend, your community, our community here, are a better, stronger group. Take the love you receive here and from home and use it. Wrap yourself in a cocoon of it. When you are able, you'll help your friend, and others, create their own cocoons. Balance is not necessarily 50/50. Let's work on pushing the balance to 90% comforting, loving, supportive, caring, happy. Those sad other bits we'll pat on the head.

Kate, what a gift your friend and her partner are. How fortunate to have such in your life. It shows how great you are.

I'm glad Mrs. G. is coming back, and put up a new Friday confessional. I do enjoy this place, and the camaraderie.

One of my bi-polar siblings (who refuses to receive/accept a formal diagnosis), has been verbally attacking me for years. My mom put me in charge of his inheritance so I'm forced to deal with him and have tried to do so with utmost patience. He called me at work this week, and the monster I thought long extinct in me vomited from my mouth. I had not reacted like that since early in my first marriage. I grew up in a family where we were trained to verbally eviscerate others. I realized this was not a trait to further loving relationships (oh, really?) and exorcised it, or so I thought at the time, 25 years ago. Yet here it came, and I tore into my brother and then hung up. On top of that, it felt goooood. And powerful. However, I knew I had to email him an apology but I had to run a meeting after work first.

When I got home I opened my mail program, and from my brother was the most polite, sane, apologetic message I've received from him in years. It concluded with "Why didn't you tell me I wasn't in summer camp anymore?" We've had several exchanges since ( I did email him an apology and state we should only communicate in writing), and still all are good. It's been only two days but I'm feeling he may make it, it might be okay. Now I just have the other bipolar one; the one who may have ADD; the one with multiple problems but "Fine dammit! I'm FINE!. It's none of your damn business!" (I appreciate that actually, until the bank takes everything and I won't find out 'til after); and the bitch, who is at least successful, top of her field in the nation - doesn't mean she's pleasant or reasonable.

Whew! Long rant. Thanks, all, for the community, and the sharing, no matter good or hard. I appreciate the sharing and love of this community, having this place. It is a place too, more real than many houses. Peace to all. naomi down south

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternaomi

Sending good thoughts to Molly and Naomi and Rainbow. I wish I could make it better.

It's a lovely, sunny, albeit cold, November morning up here. I am off to the doctor as I have a sneaking suspicion that this cold has morphed into pneumonia. And I don't want a repeat of two years ago when I nearly went to the hosptal. Other than that, things are calm and peaceful here, happy, even. I wish I could export this feeling to each and every one of you. Have a good weekend, Derfs!

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteralison

Molly, I'm so sorry that happened to your friend and to you. Please let us know if you need anything besides (what 50-ish?) shoulders to lean on.

I'm sitting in a public place trying not to cry right now. This has been a week of ups and downs. The reality of my relationship smacked me in the face again and I almost lost it at work. I called a local agency and found a support group for domestic abuse that I might go to. I've found a therapist. The worst part though, I met this man who I totally fell for. Just head over heels fell for. But I've now gotten a clear sign from him that he's not interested in the friendship I was seeking (I would never cheat) and I think he is rejecting me completely as a person he would even be around. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed by my behavior. I'm wondering if I'm doing the right things, the best things. I have several huge projects due in the next week and all I want to do go home to my friends and family and cry.

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranon today

Oh Molly I am so very sorry. So damn sorry. It's hard to lose friends under any circumstance but this is the worst. Peace to you my friend.

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Oh, Molly...my heart breaks for your friend and you. I wish I could just give you a big hug.

My brother, who was clean and sober for 3 years fell off the wagon over the last several months. He has a drug and alcohol problem which he licked after he had a heartattack at 31 (was in the cardiac ICU for 8 days - tied down because of the DTs). He told my husband last Christmas that he was thinking of smoking pot again, because he didn't want to be the only one who had to deal with reality all the time. We told he it was a REALLY BAD idea, but he didn't listen, and yelled at us to "drink up".

And now, he was arrested last Sunday evening, not long, I think, after I talked to him and he told me he was feeling better he was taking his meds and he didn't even really "want to drink that much". He was walking back from the bar, when the police came screaming down the road, supposedly looking for someone else, but they stopped him. In his pockets they found pot, paraphernalia, and some sort of knife. I think he was in jail until last night some time....

He has no job, has a lot of depressive tendancies, and I am worried SICK about him....while at the same time I am thankful he is on the other side of the state, which makes me few awful.

When is it going to click that he CAN'T, CANNOT, take drugs or drink alcohol? 3 years....I was so proud...so very proud of the progress that he had made (though he still had a lot of issues with not being able to keep a job, or get along with co-workers, at least I didn't have to worry that I was going to get a call from my mom that he was dead of an overdose, or something like that).

He put out post on facebook lastnight asking for the name of a lawyer who will help him pro bono. Luckily our stepbrother is an attorney who will hopefully help him (he replied to the post). I can't, just can't, deal with this anymore. For 10 years we have had to do this dance, though this is the first time that he has been arrested. Is it a wake-up call? Who the hell knows...

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranon 2

I wish those who are hurting and who have loss and are far from family when they need them were close by...I have a couple of good bottles of wine and some cookies, and while that won't take the hurt and despair away, it might help to create a space to rest and gather some resources for the path ahead.

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTC

My heart breaks for my dear friend whose husband has decided to take a job far away. No discussion. She's torn.

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGreen Girl In Wisconsin

I'm sickened at the behavior of everyone around me, myself included, and the rage and despair I feel almost palpable. And then I read the stories written here and conk myself on the head. Onward isn't as terrible as it was just a few moments ago. My heart goes out to everyone who suffers, in ways large and small, spoken and unspoken. Thanks Mrs. G., for being here even when you aren't! Love this space and you all, even if we've never met and even if we would never be kindred spirits, you remind me that everything is precious.

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Loves Boston

Thanks for the well wishes. I have accepted my siblings as part of my life, and as I ruminated today about the positive response from my brother to such a vicious attack, I realize I've moved so far past that behavior that I haven't recognized my siblings are still there. This has created years of misunderstanding, but I'm okay with that. It's preferable to being hateful.

Anon 2, your brother sounds like mine. My mom turned him over to me when she died. It's hard to turn away, to give up hope. The success rate of quitting by substance abusers is around 15%. Addiction is a horrible disease, and it's usually coupled with mental problems. I don't know if my brother will ever figure out how to care for himself, but if I continue to slide money his way, no matter how small the amount, he'll never do it on his own. Your brother did show some gumption in putting out the call for a pro bono attorney; however, he needs to figure out how to do these steps on his own. I do find it incredibly difficult to say no, but I've said it many times and then gone to a private place and sobbed. My brother is in middle age, and still thinks like a teenager. I accept that his life might not be much longer, I hope he disproves me. I cannot enable him. It's one reason I live several states away. Try and let the guilt go. Believe in his ability to get better but don't count on him to do so. Harsh, but necessary. As a counselor I went to years ago told me when I was talking about my brother (over 30 years now), "Sometimes all you can do is cry. And that can be enough." Release the pain and let him figure out if and how to live.

Mrs. G, even comments! How wonderful; I'm looking forward to paragraphs.

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternaomi

Oh, it's so good to be able to read, feel - to send out heartfelt prayers and sympathy. Molly and others - I'm doing just that. And especially to Molly - your post brought me back to something that is huge for me these days - our still-blind choice, as Humans, to separate ourselves. To categorize, profile, suppress. To decide that if someone doesn't look like us, worship like us, or create their family like us, that they are somehow Wrong and worthy of our contempt. It's insidious and it's deadly. The thing I love about this place is that we constantly transcend that. We refuse to allow it. We fight against it. And hopefully we take it out into our lives.

OK. End of sermon (but I really meant it) My Confession is actually a really good one. It's that I broke through to a better, more peaceful level of thinking in my ongoing Draaaama about my bff. I realized that this is just another of the ongoing Life Lessons about allowing the people I love to be themselves, not some version that I dreamed up because it works for me. Realizing that none of the things she's done that upset me were done on purpose to hurt me - they're just part of who she is now - has set me free to decide WITHOUT RESENTMENT, whether I want to be with her now. Not being with her is no longer a "You hurt me so I'm not going to love you" situation. To me, that's a whole new freedom from pain.

I'm probably not getting this across well, but trust me, the relief is immense. And I did think more than twice about sharing "Life Lessons" - even here. But hey - if I can't tell The Derfs about my spiritual progress, who CAN I tell? Hopefully it makes sense to someone...

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBriget

I am sick, sickened by the news story of the woman in Ireland who died because doctors refused to abort the fetus that she was miscarrying because it still had a heartbeat. They valued their politics and the technicality of the "life" of a doomed and unviable baby more than they valued the life of this woman. I am sickened by this.

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Snow

I am too Aunt Snow. What a stupid ass tragedy.

My love to you all - it's good to hear from all of you and my blessings and prayers to those of you who are hurting.

Derfdom is one of the things I'm grateful for this week of Thanksgiving!

xoxo

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie

So happy and grateful that Mrs. G is back with us, although I fully understand the need for time away, to recharge or create or simply exist without deadlines (self-imposed or otherwise). You touch so many!

ALBUG...I recently posted a pic in a social girl hangout of Dame Judi Dench in "Pride and Prejudice," complete with long, silvered, pompadoured and tailed hair and commented that I hoped my future looked as good as this. I'm sending some grey, nana'd, feet-up peace your way.

To the others who are facing such heartache...hugs and love.

I've recently discovered the power of telling myself I'm not going to let the negative spiral take hold. I'm an introvert at heart and very mental, and I will follow that rabbit hole down at the slightest hint as a natural tendency. But I recently decided that I was going to try to live the "positive thinking, negative feelings are physically damaging" philosophy and have found such peace from it.

I spent a week being completely sluggish, waking up a half hour before work and couldn't understand why I was dragging myself along when there wasn't really anything horrible happening in my life. I made that conscious effort to cut off negative thoughts as they arose, and woke up at 6:30am the next morning as chipper and energetic as Gidget. It wasn't until mid-way through the shower that I realized the connection, and I've attempted to keep that positivity buffer around me ever since. I'm human, so it's never perfect and I still snark and bitch...but it's made a difference. And for that little bit of control, I am grateful.

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterteacakes

So grateful to come here tonight (even though I should be in bed sleeping) and feel the love in this community. Thank you to all who share your hearts. A burden shared is a lighter burden, I hope.
Off to bed with thoughts and prayers for so many of you. ♥

November 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren (formerly kcinnova)

Rainbow Motel -- No teacher should have to live through the nonsense you face. I am so sorry. Parents really DO need to step up and take responsibility for their actions. After reading your words here and on your blog, I just want to say THANK YOU for your efforts and dedication. I am sure that you are reaching children, and you really do make a difference, even if the "data" don't show it. Best of luck.

November 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterilyanna

@AuntSnow - Ireland is sickened too and the people are making their views known. Power to the people.

November 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertrash

I got a big dose of "Life is Short" this week. Molly, I certainly feel your pain. A good friend, who was like a brother to me in high school, was shot and killed by his own brother on Thursday. There is no rhyme or reason for the attack other than an apparent argument and what is clearly mental illness. After killing my friend Todd, his brother went back to our old neighborhood to threaten another relative and then killed himself. My dear friend is gone, his sister has lost both brothers in one horrifying day, and those of us who loved him and were friends are simply stunned.

Oh, and don't even get me started on gun "control" in this country.
Life is short folks. Too bad the kindness and love shown here at the Manor isn't available to everyone....things would certainly be better out there.

November 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClaudia

Molly and Claudia, your stories(as well as others here) are so heart-breaking. I've been doing really well and fell into a black hole this evening. I'm going to leave it at this, and hope the sun brings a new day.

November 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercardinal

I can't fathom this world sometimes. Holding all of you close in my thoughts and in my heart..

November 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

Said yes to serving on the administrative board at my church. Not something I wanted to do, but God was clearly telling me (and those around me) that it was where I was supposed to be. Apparently they need a dissenting voice...well, I guess that's me. So we'll see how it goes.

A dear friend of my husband's family (lest SC think someone else on my side has died) passed away suddently from a massve heart attack. Life is short, and fleeting, so fill it with all the love and memories you can. This man was a character - and you either loved him or he drove you nuts. BUT he'd give you the shirt off of his back if you neeeded it, and would stand by his friends through thick and thin. And never hesitated to say bullshit if it was...well, bullshit. He and his wife had celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary about three weeks ago.

And here comes Thanksgiving. And Christmas. Bittersweet times without my Mom, and my favorite Uncle. But they would both say "Life goes on" and to just get on with the living. So that's what we do. But I'm still making Cranberry Chutney in her honor, even though I'm the only one who eats it ;)

November 20, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternavhelowife

Big old hullaballoo here for Thanksgiving as usual. The in-laws were coming up, then they cancelled (when it was too late for us to get decently priced plane tickets home), now they're coming up again. They tried to insist they stay with us (in our 720 square foot house....WHERE?). We insisted we pay for a hotel room. We'll be catering from Boston Market. The only thing I'm making is green bean casserole and glasses of wine. For me. Happy Thanksgiving y'all (for real).

To those who are hurting, I'll be sending good vibes your way. Too many tragedies on this confessional this week.

November 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

Mrs. G, where are you?!?! I thought you were coming back!!!

November 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

YES! What Sharon said.

November 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarolyn

Ohhhh . . . you didn't mean this Monday, you meant Monday after Thanksgiving; am I right?

November 21, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternaomi

Concern here. Hope you are okay Mrs. G. Have a great Thanksgiving. I will be here when you decide to return.

November 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterALBUG

@navhelowife - Your sister messaged me to tell me she'd be dropping off a jar of cranberry chutney tomorrow and made me cry. I do miss your mom around this time of year.

November 21, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersuburbancorrespondent

SC, I know! And now the SIL is being...well, being herself. I told them they'd need a serious drink after their dinner tonight.

November 22, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternavhelowife

I've checked in...but haven't read any posts only because of "life" and shit...and more stuff. Molly? I'm so very sorry and saddened by your story. What you are all enduring must be unbearable. Know, that even though I don't know you...you are in my heart, as is everyone in this tradgedy. Sister - do this one thing for me - please? Love yourself, and every single person close to you that has been touched by this horror and give as much of that love to each person you hug. I'm so...so sorry.

I came here tonight because I just needed to "reach" you all. My confession? I'm unbelievably saddened by the election results (yes...go ahead - be jovial, be happy, be whatever you feel you must...it is ok) The thing to me is that we are divided, and continue to be. The election wasn't a landslide - but no one talks of that. To me, it is something to notice. But then again, what do I know. Here is what really bothers me, it is the constant "us" vs. "them" that makes me unbelievably sad. We pick a person....an issue...and we make it a divider. We even do it here. This is the one place we should (because we are smarter!) come together. None of us can control what the idiot "politicans" say or do...but we control who we vote for. But we in turn criticize a whole rank and file of "people" because of what someone "says" or "how they appear" . We shall see where we go, we shall see what happens - my only (ONLY) hope is that we can, as citizens, come together as AMERICAN citizens and quit the bashing. I haven't seen it stop...I haven't seen it even subside. And that makes me truly sad.

If my candidate had won, I would not have come here to boast - because that should never be what we are....you can say (or speculate) that I would...but, knowing me...do you really think I would? You'd have all called me out (first of all), but more importantly, I respect you...and therefore, I would not.

Now...on a personal level...I'm drawing a line in the sand with my family. A long time coming. 15 years. So much heartbreak - but it is time. They used to say something along the lines of the family patriarch being in charge....well....bullshit. The women of the world are in charge, whether in front and out loud, or quietly behind the scene. After 15 years, I'm drawing the line in the sand, and it will change our family in a way I do not know...but I know this: it is time. Bad things can happen, and it will be squarely on my shoulders....but I'm willing to do it because I cannot, will not, allow one person to continue to cause/create/substantiate the turmoil. I'm frickin (wanted to say the REAL word, but trying to be respectful) DONE! And.....Merry Christmas (any thoughts about how THAT will go this year?....my guess is shitty....but OK....it has to be....)

I love you all. I respect you all.....and I've missed the hell out of you Mrs. G. Please come back......

November 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDiane Carol

I have to say it here, because I have no where else I can express my profound happiness at the news I just got!

My husband's ex-wife was finally caught and arrested for another DUI! With her son in the car!
So happy! Finally. Proof of her inherent danger without any bodily harm to my stepchildren!

Everyone has not believed she is as bad as I claim, she doesn't drive drunk as often as I think, I am just being a worry wort and a negative person.

So last night she chugs a bunch of beer in secret before she drives my step son to the football game, at a high school. Even though I said it was a bad idea he stay there, that her behavior was erratic, and that she had been drinking lately, I am ignored, because it couldn't possibly be that bad, or she has seemed a bit better lately. ARGHHHH!!

Caught for a DUI, on the way to a school, with a minor in the car, and she had a half finished beer tucked behind her seat.

I couldn't be more thrilled. Jail time, huge fines, interlock device, suspended license. Second offense with child endangerment and open container.

Christmas came early. Really, this is all I wanted. Relief from the wicked witch. My only second wish would be a quick conviction and no plea bargain. Go to trial!

Most of all, this means my stepson is safe, safe safe, I will never have to worry about him getting into a car with her ever again.

November 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

Molly, I’m glad your step children are out of the danger of being in the car with their mother and that you will have peace of mind but I also hope that this will somehow give her the incentive to seek the help she so desperately needs to overcome her alcohol addiction. I know some people believe it’s a choice; however I believe alcoholism is an insidious disease that affects everyone connected to the alcoholic.

My dad was a closet alcoholic. He didn’t drink and drive ... he wasn’t abusive ... he was a quiet and gentle man, but still an alcoholic. It was never discussed as a family but I could hear him and my mother quietly arguing after I’d gone to bed. And I struggled for years wondering what I could do to make him quit drinking. It wasn’t until I was well into adulthood and read a book about Adult Children of Alcoholics that I realized it wasn’t my fault and there was nothing I could have done. I still have issues stemming from growing up as the child of an alcoholic. Most of them I usually recognize when they crop up but not always. Looking back, I wish I had had access to Ala-Teen or Al-Anon but living in a small town, I’m not sure I would have been comfortable attending. My family was always too concerned about “what the neighbors would think.”

My brother was also an alcoholic, who did drink and drive and fortunately never hurt himself or anyone else in a vehicle but had five failed marriages and numerous failed relationships, as well as ignoring his two children for their entire lives. Fortunately their mother married a good man who was a far better father than my brother could have ever been. And it sounds like your step children are very lucky to have you in their lives, looking after them and their well being.

My thoughts are with you and your family as well as to all the other derfs out there whatever is happening in your lives.

Hugs,

November 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMartha Mc

Thanks Martha,
I am sure my reaction seemed to be over the top and to come out of nowhere. But this woman harasses us, threatens us, and generally holds her children in a state of alcoholic emotional blackmail. Do what I say or I withhold my love. Or worse, I belittle you. As with all kids, they love thier mother no matter what and are desperate to know at least every now and then that she is still breathing. And they hope that by seeing them some flicker will ignite in her and she will want to get better.

And I wish I could say she will find inspiration to find help. But honestly, she is so far gone, crippled with neurological problems from repeated ammonia poisoning to her brain, seizures, liver failure, black outs, she is on disability for the damage alcohol has wrought to her body and has repeatedly been given six months to live. She truly is beyond medical help and I believe is no longer able to make even basic good judgement decisions.

Nothing has ever pushed her to get help, not losing her job as a school prinicipal, not losing her marriage, not public respect, not her children, not her home, not her vehicles. Nothing.

I grew up in an environment with many alcoholics, nearly everyone in my family, and i can honestly say she is the worst I have ever known. Considering how many of my family have died from exposure, drunk driving, or suicide due to alcohol and drug abuse, well, that says a lot. I hope my experience and my boundaries help my stepkids come out of this with fewer scars and hangups. They are good kids and deserve to be lighthearted right now.

But mostly, I am glad a menace to everybody is off the roads. Frankly a year in prison might be the best thing for her. She will have to be sober for the first time in her adult life with no chance at relapse, and her kids will get a much needed break from her drama. She might come out humbled, sober and able to piece together a semblance of a relationship with her kids.

And I will be free of the worry that they will keep going to her house to check on her when she is dangerous because they are afraid she will pass out and not wake up. I won't have to worry that she will show up at the school and badger them into getting into her car with her. We are all safer, including her.

Thanks for listening Derfdom.
And when will we hear from Heather!

November 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

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