The outlines of a Bigger Love episode? Ooo! Or maybe this post represents the societal input into the higher echelons of national decision-making within the patriachal and dominant religious paradigm?
I am home alone with the dogs for the next 7 hours. This is my only opportunity to exercise my brain in any way.
Mrs. G, wearing a seductive terrycloth dressing gown, made her way to the computer. She began to type; first quietly, gently, then with growing passion and abandon.
Johnny eyed her from the darkness of the sofa. He rose, earring glinting in the light of the monitor. Walking towards her, he was a graceful as a cat.
Mrs. G had gotten no further than the title of the post, when he could stand it no more, and whisked her into his arms with a hungry growl, and his elbow hit the "Publish" button.
Her bathrobe was tossed over the computer moments later, so the pair never knew.
Kate, your post is Hilarious! I was going to point out that I'd also woken up this morning with sort of blank brain syndrome, but your scenario definitely got the neurons firing. Mrs. G, I can only hope Kate was on to something...
Kate, you have a future in fan fiction. Can you write something for me? Feel free to pick from these men: Jason Sudeikis, Paul Rudd, Idris Elba, Kevin McKidd, Ben Affleck.
It's like MASH!
<u>MEN</u> Jason Sudeikis Paul Rudd Idris Elba Kevin McKidd Ben Affleck Adam Levine Blake Shelton
<u>CITIES</u> Chicago Seattle NYC Austin Kansas City
<u>CAREERS</u> Midwife Social Justice Activist/Advocate Full-time crafty lady Volunteer
<u>CARS</u> New Slugbug Old-school "Woody" Vespa Bike Old-school Mustang or Nova
Kudos to trash & kate for most excellent turns of phrase. Perhaps Mrs. G was following the latest batshit crazy politics and her head exploded? I know mine is.
html fail! All that <u></u> action was supposed to create underlined words. Like these pretty italicized words.
Regina, you are so welcome. We just started watching The Wire again and now that I know the plot & what happens, I'm just like, "Can we fast forward to the part with Stringer Bell now?"
Ok, Ashley. As it turns out, I have a little time on my hands (and a glass of wine in my belly).
It was high noon as Ashley and her pea--green Nova pulled up in front of the county courthouse that day. Austin was hot, and so was she. “Today! Today I will get justice for MaryBeth and her family!” she repeated as she gathered her files, ready to assume her Advocate Ashley persona. No sooner did she step into the searing Texas sun than did she raise her eyebrows at the vintage Mustang that screeched to a halt behind her car. “Ma’am?” a husky voice called. A voice weathered like a good pair of boots, with a faint hint of single-malt scotch in the rasp of it. “I do think your car is on fire.” She, horrified, gaped attractively at her now-engulfed-in-flames Nova. “Oh, fer Pete’s sake…” her accent intensified in her moment of shock. The man unfolded his lanky frame from his seat, and leapt into action, rumbling past her like a tall, attractive tank. He reached his brawny arms into the conflagration and gathered her baskets of crafting supplies, and snagging her purse from the floor of the back seat. “I don’t figure y’all would want your gorgeous crafts to go up with this ol’ Nova.” He faced her, trying to free a sooty hand, “Adam, ma’am. Adam Levine. I think we’d better call the fire department. And in the meantime, why don’t you come on and sit with me in my car? I have some time before I have to catch my flight over to Kansas City for my VolunteerAmerica conference.” The next thing she knew, she was being tucked into the black leather bucket seat of a Mustang that smelled like dust, band aids, and sexy man.
Oh Kate, *sigh* that one is so lovely. I think you need to open a side business where you write sexy stories for all of us. I'm willing to pony up a batch of cookies, or at least a bottle of wine (if you'll share it with me).
Nice ones, Kate! I'd like to believe that Mrs. G is snuggled up in bliss with Johnny and will be too busy to get back to her computer for a while. So I guess we can continue to talk amongst ourselves. I think I'll be in a vintage Daimler with Ralph and Joseph Fiennes en route to my publisher in NYC, then the farmer's market, before I appear in an evening concert playing duets with Natalie McMaster to benefit a shelter for homeless teenage girls.
"Seductive terrycloth dressing gown" love it..... I resemble that remark. Thank you Kate for a great laugh. Now I cannot wait to see what Mrs G. has to say.
Kate, you are hitting these 100% today! I'll take Harrison Ford, a classic Mustang, something blue, road trip to the San Antonio Riverwalk, and a couple of killer margaritas.
A friend told me today was National Margarita Day.
I'll take Tom Selleck (maybe I'll share later on after I've ravished his sexy body), a powder blue Mercedes convertible, a private tour of the Hawaiian islands, him feeding me chocolate covered strawberries and some Dom Perrignon champagne. Yum!
So Kate emailed me that beautiful story, I read it on the train home from work. I was shaking and crying with laughter. The story was awesome and I just couldn't believe she'd taken the time to write it and send it to me. It really made my day.
Thank you, Kate!
These stories remind me of the teen romance stuff I wrote in high school. I'd bring in a new page or two for my friends to read and they'd always ask, "Do you have more STORY today?" We do need a game of DerfLibs!
Monday, February 20, 2012 at 10:21PM
Reader Comments (41)
Uh, Mrs. G, are you saying nothing is on your mind :)?
Are we supposed to guess? Johnny Depp? Caramel popcorn? Ginger Beer? Clogs?
The outlines of a Bigger Love episode? Ooo! Or maybe this post represents the societal input into the higher echelons of national decision-making within the patriachal and dominant religious paradigm?
I am home alone with the dogs for the next 7 hours. This is my only opportunity to exercise my brain in any way.
I'm going with what trash said.
This looks like what's on my mind before I'm caffeinated.
*provides elevator music*
No, wait!
Jeopardy waiting music
**crickets**
Mrs. G, wearing a seductive terrycloth dressing gown, made her way to the computer. She began to type; first quietly, gently, then with growing passion and abandon.
Johnny eyed her from the darkness of the sofa. He rose, earring glinting in the light of the monitor. Walking towards her, he was a graceful as a cat.
Mrs. G had gotten no further than the title of the post, when he could stand it no more, and whisked her into his arms with a hungry growl, and his elbow hit the "Publish" button.
Her bathrobe was tossed over the computer moments later, so the pair never knew.
Yep, I'm pretty sure that's what happened, Kate!
Kate, your post is Hilarious! I was going to point out that I'd also woken up this morning with sort of blank brain syndrome, but your scenario definitely got the neurons firing. Mrs. G, I can only hope Kate was on to something...
Kate, can you please write the script for my life? It's depressingly J0hnny-free.
Love it, Kate!
Kate, you have a future in fan fiction. Can you write something for me? Feel free to pick from these men: Jason Sudeikis, Paul Rudd, Idris Elba, Kevin McKidd, Ben Affleck.
It's like MASH!
<u>MEN</u>
Jason Sudeikis
Paul Rudd
Idris Elba
Kevin McKidd
Ben Affleck
Adam Levine
Blake Shelton
<u>CITIES</u>
Chicago
Seattle
NYC
Austin
Kansas City
<u>CAREERS</u>
Midwife
Social Justice Activist/Advocate
Full-time crafty lady
Volunteer
<u>CARS</u>
New Slugbug
Old-school "Woody"
Vespa
Bike
Old-school Mustang or Nova
Aaaaaand GO!
Kudos to trash & kate for most excellent turns of phrase.
Perhaps Mrs. G was following the latest batshit crazy politics and her head exploded? I know mine is.
*jeopardy thinking music*
My mind is blank, too... and I'm on my 4th cup of coffee!
Hmmm... elevator music or jeopardy music?
Kate and Trash may well be onto something here...
Please tell us nothing happened to the new laptop computer you just got.
and........
You nailed it Kate!
Kate, I love 'seductive terrycloth dressing gown'! Heather, I'm dying to know what's on your mind...
kate, I'm taking that for myself, replacing Johnny Depp with Tom Selleck (I know, I know, but I love him)
Maybe she was going to say "Talk amongst yourselves" but forgot???
Kate - awesome!
Ashley- thanks... now all I can think about is Idris Elba.... mmmm.... Idris Elba......
html fail! All that <u></u> action was supposed to create underlined words. Like these pretty italicized words.
Regina, you are so welcome. We just started watching The Wire again and now that I know the plot & what happens, I'm just like, "Can we fast forward to the part with Stringer Bell now?"
Kate wins.
Another vote for Kate's scenario!
The suspense is killing me...tell us Mrs. G!
I think it's just that the current politics have scrambled her ability to write!!!
Let's hope she recovers really quickly.....
Ok, Ashley. As it turns out, I have a little time on my hands (and a glass of wine in my belly).
It was high noon as Ashley and her pea--green Nova pulled up in front of the county courthouse that day. Austin was hot, and so was she. “Today! Today I will get justice for MaryBeth and her family!” she repeated as she gathered her files, ready to assume her Advocate Ashley persona.
No sooner did she step into the searing Texas sun than did she raise her eyebrows at the vintage Mustang that screeched to a halt behind her car. “Ma’am?” a husky voice called. A voice weathered like a good pair of boots, with a faint hint of single-malt scotch in the rasp of it. “I do think your car is on fire.”
She, horrified, gaped attractively at her now-engulfed-in-flames Nova. “Oh, fer Pete’s sake…” her accent intensified in her moment of shock.
The man unfolded his lanky frame from his seat, and leapt into action, rumbling past her like a tall, attractive tank. He reached his brawny arms into the conflagration and gathered her baskets of crafting supplies, and snagging her purse from the floor of the back seat. “I don’t figure y’all would want your gorgeous crafts to go up with this ol’ Nova.” He faced her, trying to free a sooty hand, “Adam, ma’am. Adam Levine. I think we’d better call the fire department. And in the meantime, why don’t you come on and sit with me in my car? I have some time before I have to catch my flight over to Kansas City for my VolunteerAmerica conference.”
The next thing she knew, she was being tucked into the black leather bucket seat of a Mustang that smelled like dust, band aids, and sexy man.
I happily dub thee, Queen of Cliffhangers.
Oh Kate, *sigh* that one is so lovely. I think you need to open a side business where you write sexy stories for all of us. I'm willing to pony up a batch of cookies, or at least a bottle of wine (if you'll share it with me).
Ha! And good job, Kate!
Nice ones, Kate!
I'd like to believe that Mrs. G is snuggled up in bliss with Johnny and will be too busy to get back to her computer for a while. So I guess we can continue to talk amongst ourselves.
I think I'll be in a vintage Daimler with Ralph and Joseph Fiennes en route to my publisher in NYC, then the farmer's market, before I appear in an evening concert playing duets with Natalie McMaster to benefit a shelter for homeless teenage girls.
Who's next?
"Seductive terrycloth dressing gown" love it..... I resemble that remark. Thank you Kate for a great laugh. Now I cannot wait to see what Mrs G. has to say.
Kate, you are hitting these 100% today!
I'll take Harrison Ford, a classic Mustang, something blue, road trip to the San Antonio Riverwalk, and a couple of killer margaritas.
A friend told me today was National Margarita Day.
Kate, you are killing me! I love the other combos suggested; what we need is a big ole game of DerfLibs!
DerfLibs. Love it. Ashley's story was great, Kate.
Great stories, Kate!
I'll take Tom Selleck (maybe I'll share later on after I've ravished his sexy body), a powder blue Mercedes convertible, a private tour of the Hawaiian islands, him feeding me chocolate covered strawberries and some Dom Perrignon champagne. Yum!
So Kate emailed me that beautiful story, I read it on the train home from work. I was shaking and crying with laughter. The story was awesome and I just couldn't believe she'd taken the time to write it and send it to me. It really made my day.
Thank you, Kate!
These stories remind me of the teen romance stuff I wrote in high school. I'd bring in a new page or two for my friends to read and they'd always ask, "Do you have more STORY today?" We do need a game of DerfLibs!
in case anyone was wondering....yes, Derfs ARE the best readers/commenters/people...ever.
funny, stuff!!