fair and balanced reporting of the last five vacuous "disagreements" that have gone down in this house
Thursday, August 16, 2012 at 4:32PM Mrs. G.
1) Whether a door propped open about 1 foot with a bar stool provides more fresh, cool air than a door propped open about three feet with a card table. Mrs. G. isn't going to say who tried to inject physics and meteorology into the heated discussion, because she isn't that kind of spouse, and because she thinks the probability is fairly high that most of you know who in this marriage frequently just makes shit up.
2) Whether a six foot cardboard Johnny Depp cut out belongs in the vacant corner in their dining room. Mr. G. says no. Mrs. G. swore on metaphorical stack of bibles that the six foot cardboard Johnny Depp cut out would, beyond question, inspire her to cook more often..
Mr. G: So, you're telling me putting this six foot cardboard cut out of Johnny Depp in our dining room would inspire you to cook more?
Mrs. G: That's exactly what I'm telling you.
Mr. G: You are a liar.
Mrs. G: I know, but I still think it would look really good there.
3) How come it's OK to complain about the rain but not OK to complain about the heat. This one is still ongoing. It is difficult living with the arbiter of legitimate, benign complaints, the ruling umpire of bona fide laments. Ongoing.
4) Whether it is a moral failure to scrape the gross remains on your plate into the sink and not follow through by shoving them down the down the garbage disposal, so the next person who comes along doesn't have to. It is.
5) Whether a belt is a utilitarian tool or an instrument of fashion.
Mr. and Mrs. G...just sitting here on the couch waiting for a couple of those Genius Grants.
Family, Mental, Relationships
Reader Comments (23)
#2, well that just goes without saying,
#3, yep! Me too.
#4 don't even talk to me about plates and scraping
#5 fashion most of the time, at least on me, utilitarian on my husband
And my big one is lights. I actually calculated the cost to leave a light bulb on for hours was like a penny. If I leave a room for a minute to do something, when I come back the lights are off. And so is every other light except one. I can think of a million others ways to save a nickel!
#1 I open the slider just enough for a skinny kitty to squeeze through to the porch.
#2 Johnny belongs wherever Mrs G thinks he belongs. DUH.
#3 I personally complain about rain but not heat, obviously I'm a sunshine girl
#4 I want to kick people in the nuts when they don't scrape the plate. I don't even care if it gets down the garbage disposal.
#5 I hate belts.
All valid arguments. I'm on your side...whichever one that was:)
...and striking me as funny?
The magazine in the picture is The Queenslander.
Umm, and I live in Queensland, and my father was in the airforce, and born in 1936, and I live near Brisbane.
#2 your call of course!
#4 ... i'd agree with you, but have to say I'm rather jealous of the plates making it to the sink at all, let alone scraped!
#5 ... hard to call that an either/or
Genius Grants are a given, aren't they?
Oh, my Ms. Sunshine you just gave me the best laugh I have had in days.......see #4.
Now why I am here?
Oh yeah- Johnny would go well in any room of your house. The bedroom, say in a corner, or the bathroom , just outside the shower, the living room, behind the sofa...endless girl he goes anywhere.
Your sofa does not even have to match your Johnny.
Thanks for the laughs.
Unscraped plates are from the devil.
1. My dh makes sh!t up, too.
2. But of course! Besides, September is coming...
3. Complaining about the weather is a Scandinavian trait. Can you claim a heritage point?
4. Oh, you have hit a nerve here... I have no garbage disposal, but my menfolk had darned well better learn to scrape their plates into the garbage AND put their freakin' dishes into the dishwasher. It's not.that.hard. Just do it! (And that bowl on the counter that is full of compost? They can jolly well take it outside to the bin instead of waiting for me to tell them to Just Do It!)
5. As long as the belt isn't being used to whip someone, I'm going to stay out of this one.
The lovebirds were here for dinner, and they appear to have survived their honeymoon. I'll try to not smirk when they hit this point in their relationship.
Mrs G: 'Fine, no Johnny in the dining room? There is a nice open spot NEXT TO THE MARITAL BED'
Mr G: 'If you put it like that, how about this: the cat painting goes out with the trash and Johnny can stay in the dining room'
Interesting points you are making......I have been thinking of selling our larger ranch style home and trying to purchase two small bungalows...hopefully next to each other, but that's not a deal killer. That way, I can have my clean, organized home and he can live in squalor. We can arrange outings and congugal visits but I can then retire to my sweet nest.
He is at home now, I'm sure.....moving items out of place, loading the sink with his plates and glasses, not wiping the counter with crumbs to just torture me. i think it's like children....any attention is good attention, so therefore, if my head is spinning and steam coming from my ears.....WINNING.
Going to have to skip all the other issues since #4 drives me insane!! How difficult is it to simply push the stuff down the drain/disposal. Takes just a second. Why should I have to do it. Not to menttion it is so much easier to do it immediately than hours later when it has dried to the bottom of the sink and needs to be scrubbed off.
I think I like Trudy's idea of separate bungalows.
I think I can use these to start my "Reasons Why I'm Not Married" list. I'll also go with Trudy's idea and look for someone interested in "arranged outings and conjugal visits."
The highly, highly intelligent conversation around our house last weekend centered on tying twist ties. My husband innocently asked me "Have you noticed that we tie twist ties differently?" To which I answered "Do you mean have I ever noticed that you tie twisties wrong? Why yes, I have noticed that, many times."
And it was on! lol
He also likes rice crispie treats to take to work with him for the week. I have yet to make these a single time without some constructive input from him on what I did wrong. I asked him if he had ever noticed that I have not once made rice crispie treats once to his specifications, yet he keeps asking for them? How is that possible? (I mean it's freakin' rice crispie treats! How can you do that wrong as long as they are rice crispies that are stuck together with marshmallows?)
Yes, these are the conversations of our lives. Really, how long can it be before this heady brain trust solves that whole pesky world peace problem?
1) About the door thing? Unsure. I still can't figure out why an airplane stays up in the sky and I've had the pilot of an F-15 (who worked at the freaking PENTAGON, for crying out loud) explain the physics and I STILL think that the only reason why I don't crash when I fly is because I tap the outer skin of the plane five times with my open palm before boarding. Aren't you glad I don't teach science to YOUR kids?
2) Mr. G should at least be willing to test your Depp/Cooking theory. Let's not cry "liar" until all the data is in
3)I'm feeling you on the legitimate complaint issue. Funny how one's laments aren't truly justified until the thing that inconveniences you has now inconvenienced the OTHER person and then...well...let's just see how quickly we purchase/fix that dishwasher/television/cable box/broken shower head, etc. Full disclosure: We didn't buy cable for our television (this was years ago) until Mr. Half wanted to watch golf that wan't broadcast on the regular stations. It is also a moral failure to place one's empty/dirty plate next to the sink when the dishwasher is half full of other dirty dishes (that mother has loaded) and the door is wide open so that the washing is simply BEGGING you to place your plate in there too. But no. That's too far to go and too much to ask.
5) It's both, but I really hate belts. Hate them.
4) Scraping the plate makes my skin crawl, but seeing the remainders just hanging out there in the bottom of the sink triggers my gag reflex.
5)
1) About the door thing? Unsure where science-y things are concerned. I still can't figure out why an airplane stays up in the sky and I've had the pilot of an F-15 (who worked at the freaking PENTAGON, for crying out loud) explain the physics and I STILL think that the only reason why I don't crash when I fly is because I tap the outer skin of the plane five times with my open palm before boarding. Aren't you glad I don't teach science to YOUR kids?
2) Mr. G should at least be willing to test your Depp/Cooking theory. Let's not cry "liar" until all the data is in.
3)I'm feeling you on the legitimate complaint issue. Funny how one's laments aren't truly justified until the thing that inconveniences you has now inconvenienced the OTHER person and then...well...let's just see how quickly we purchase/fix that dishwasher/television/cable box/broken shower head, etc. Full disclosure: We didn't buy cable for our television (this was years ago) until Mr. Half wanted to watch golf that wasn't broadcast on the regular stations. I wanted it before that, but....
4) Scraping the plate makes my skin crawl. It is also a moral failure to place one's empty/dirty plate next to the sink when the dishwasher is half full of other dirty dishes (that mother has loaded) and the door is wide open so that the washing is simply BEGGING you to place your plate in there too. But no. That's too far to go and too much to ask.
5) It's both, but I really hate belts. Hate them.
NOT A DUPLICATE COMMENT SO MUCH AS IT IS MY ATTEMPT TO EDIT THE RANDOM ORDER OF THE LAST COMMENT. I NEED TO EAT SOMETHING OR MAYBE HAVE A DRINK.
Have a drink, Rainbow. It's almost 3:30 in the afternoon, and I'm going to. We all should. I've still got at least 5 hrs left of doing stuff while the rest of them sit down and rest cuz they worked all day. Cheers! !
I think Trudy has discovered the secret to a happy marriage.
As a federal grant administrator, I think we should do a study on this topic. You and Mr. G could be the subjects. Paid of course...we'd have to put you in a glass house for observation purposes. All expenses paid by the grant of course..who wants to volunteer for duty on the observation deck at Mrs. G's?
I think the first experiment should be "Does the presences of a Johnny Depp cardboard cutout increase the cooking capacity of the female subject?"
OH! We'll need a second couple to volunteer as a control couple too!
Rainbow, I have 2 more hours till drink o'clock, but I'm planning on making a frosty margarita in a nifty mason jar that fits ever so nicely on the base of the old Oster blender. saw this genious drink making wonder today on the internets and can't wait to try it out. I'll make one for you too. and Mrs G, I think if you made one for Mr G it would count as a win for category #2.
this is funny on so many levels.....and i got a bit choked from laughing at that whole Johnny Depp cutout situation. I say...leave it where it is...just in case you do get inspired to cook something (even something little would work i would think) you can always use that moment for a well-placed "see? did i NOT tell you how this would work?" look.
and making shit up? my husband does that...and then he forgets that he does...makes for some interesting conversations/discussions/arrrrrrrrrguments!!
I have a life sized Johnny Depp in my mind and yessireebob, it surely does inspire me. I think it could do equally well in the kitchen.
That garbage disposal thing? I'm pretty sure it's not only grounds for divorce, but a legitimate defense for a homicide charge. Just sayin'.