Still Listening by Barb Cooper
Saturday, September 29, 2012 at 12:57PM Mrs. G.
I’m closing in on the two year anniversary of the beginning of my journey back to health.
Two years…and just a lifetime of change. What I have now is a universe of gratitude,
and a heartfelt wish that I could give everyone this feeling.
These days, I run into friends who haven’t seen me in a while and they can’t get over
the difference in my appearance. Two years ago, I weighed thirty pounds more than I
do now, and I hadn’t been off of my couch for any significant time in about three years
due to a bout with chronic foot pain that I will tell you all about at great length if you’re
ever interested. I was practically lobotomized on pain meds and anti-depressants, I was
bloated and drinking too much, and so fully disconnected from myself and those around
me that I can completely relate to the resurgence in Zombie propaganda. (I feel vaguely
responsible.)
“Wow,” say my acquaintances. “So, how did you DO it?”
Well… one day, I got up off of the couch and I took a beginner yoga class.
“So, that’s the answer? Yoga?”
“Well…in a way. Sort of.”
I wish I could tell you what made me get off of the couch. I think if I could isolate it and
share the impulse that got me moving, we’d all find our way off of our metaphoric and
literal couches. What I DO know is that there is a still, small voice inside each of us. It
whispers guidance to us. When we don't listen to it, it gets quieter. When we DO listen
to it, our lives get better. I think that’s what happened--I listened to that little voice and I
went to yoga.
And then, because I listened, it got louder.
So, I went to acupuncture.
And it got louder. (Plus, my pain started to abate for hours at a time, so I could REALLY
hear it. Pain is really loud.)
So, I went off of my anti-depressants and gave up drinking alcohol and became a
vegetarian and eventually vegan and lost a bunch of weight and lost ALL OF MY PAIN.
“So, yoga, then? I’ve been meaning to try yoga. I can’t believe you lost 30 pounds! I
can’t believe you lost it doing YOGA!”
I scratch my head. “Well, yoga was a big part of it. But really, I think the answer is that
still, small voice. Because it’s yoga for ME, but maybe it’s something else for YOU.”
At this point, my friends inexplicably need to leave. Right then.
Because, in reality? Most people are looking for a magic bullet—some quick and
structured method to lose weight and get into shape and they don’t want to hear about
listening to some weird, hippy-freak, still, small voice. They think I’m holding out on the
truth.
That’s what’s so weird, though. That still, small voice IS the truth. It’s the ULTIMATE
truth. And finding your way back to an authentic and true alignment in the world, which
has the side benefit of embodying your physical person in your most healthful and
glorious way, REQUIRES YOU ONLY TO LISTEN to it.
I think I've had this still, small voice inside of me for most of my life, only I never really
recognized it before. I've listened to it, or not listened to it, but it's always been there.
It's my belief that the voice inside of us is divine in origin, and the truer we are to our
authentic selves, the clearer it is.
This voice is not to be confused with the negative voice you hear--the voice that tells
you all the things you CAN'T do, all the things you're bad at, why you'll never succeed.
THAT voice—the self-doubting, hating voice? Goes away when I am hearing the Divine
Voice. The Divine Voice is quiet and absolutely non-judgmental. When I eat crackers
for lunch against its wishes, it just waits patiently for me. There is NO JUDGMENT.
There is no NEGATIVITY. There is only kindness and patience. I think maybe that's
why it's so easy to ignore that voice, you know? Because there is no immediate negative
reinforcement for doing so.
I was the poster child for that endless negative self talk before this radical transformation
I've undergone over the past two years. For most people I know, this is the hardest battle
and the biggest barrier to living the life they really want. What’s truly amazing is that I
don’t have that voice anymore. (Well, it still rears its head every now and then, but I can
shut it down now.) (I know what you’re thinking and I DON’T shut it up with cookies!)
When I began my journey to a different way of living in this world, one of the things I
did was address my deeply-rooted shame issues. I read those books by Brene' Brown and
I started practicing some self-compassion. If you really want to hear that Divine
Voice within you, you have to stop drowning it out by your impossible and unloving
expectations of yourself.
I know how hard it is. Believe me, I know. I also know that no one ever changed the
world, reached her potential, or found her authentic self by beating herself up until she
did it. Positive loving change comes from a place of compassion and abundance.
Every time I listen and respond, I can hear that voice clearer. I feel like I have
been stripping away the layers and filters and protective devices that don't really
protect...trying to find my authentic self under all that somewhere. And here I am today,
profoundly changed for the better, and still listening.
Still listening.
All of this goodness because one day I heard that little voice, like Horton heard the Who,
and I listened.
I wonder what the world would look like if we all slowed down and tried to just listen
to that voice within us? I'm trying to work toward an unbroken awareness of that voice-
-although I'm pretty sure that's impossible, except in enlightened beings. Imagine what
that would look like, though, --a completely peaceful, harmonious existence. It boggles
me. It inspires me. It motivates me.
What is your still, small voice trying to tell you today? Can you hear it? Are you
listening?
 |
| Barb Cooper is 47, the mother of two girls, a Texas-to-New York transplant, and a writer by nature and training. She struggles to live in her head, in her body and in this world, all at the same time. It's not as easy as you'd think. Find her blog at http://www.sothethingisblog.blogspot.com |
Guest Blogger, Health, Womankind
Reader Comments (33)
A sports psychologist came and spoke to my marathon group a few weeks ago about the psychological aspects of running a marathon. One of the things he said was that 80% of our thoughts ON A DAILY BASIS are negative and because they are so powerful, it is really hard to hear the positive. And to hear the positive, you have to really try and listen to the 20%, because when you hear them that is when you feel strongest. And then you can do that which seems impossible when only the negative is heard.
Nice to meet you Barb - what a great read! I must try to listen more.
Yay! Thank you for this inspiring essay!
Love. Thank you.
This is beautiful, Barb. Thanks for sharing it with us. I couldn't resist putting the video in. I love your perseverance.
This is beautiful, Barb. Thanks for sharing it with us. I couldn't resist putting the video in. I admire your perseverance!
Beautifully put Barb. I know exactly what you mean about the negative voice disappearing when you listen to the Divine.
Right here you have the core of my spiritual practice. It just amazes me how much better my life goes when I choose to listen to the small voice instead of feeding the loud, negative, naggy voice. That voice - it's powerful, and it feeds off my insecurities and fears. I choose to bring myself back, over and over, to not feeding it these days. And life always, always gets better when I do that. Thank you so much for guesting!
Wonderful. We all should listen.
Thank you, Barb. Very important message and very well written. I will be thinking about this, and trying to listen to MY positive voice more. So happy for you and your progress towards your true self.
I do love this essay. Good job and good inspiration. I have been thinking of trying an excercise. Setting a timer on my cell phone to go off every two hours during the day. When the timer goes off I will take two minutes to readjust my thinking, go over positives and generally say some nice shit to myself.
I think my still, small voice is telling me to listen to Barb. I'm so happy you've found yourself, as it were! You're right - pain (both physical and mental) is very loud. And compassion (for ourselves and for others) is everything.
Thank you - I needed to read that today. I feel better already.
Lovely. Thank you Barb.
I need to listen more. Thanks for the reminder!
Beautiful. Have you ever noticed when you listen to that voice -- you experience more deja vu moments? That happens to me, and it makes me feel I'm on the right path.
Thanks Barb! I needed to read this today! I AM recovering from foot surgery since July and have been feeling frustrated, impatient and some days just pissed off about things in general. You are right about getting back on track and taking note of all the positive thoughts, actions and intentions that have come my way. I have always been a good listener to that small voice but have allowed outside things to distract me ( a job I LOATHE, family stuff...) so time for me to put some intention into what I need to feel better and move forward. Thank you for sharing your experience, may it open unlimited doors of possibility for everyone.
I had a knee replacement last year and have felt icky and sorry for myself much too long. I'm going to heed your words and start focusing on the great things my new knee is doing for me rather than the aches and pains. Thanks for the reminder. I love your humor.
Beautiful post.
Our lives get so noisy that we tend to drown out or ignore those little voices, but they're there.
I love this.
Barb - I need to listen to my voice. Thanks for reminding me to try and find it. On another note, I'm going to share this with one of my girls, who needs to know...who needs to hear it from elsewhere...that it is OK to listen and put some things on the back burner to take care of HER. I'm impressed beyond belief in your ability to do it, and then share it. Thank you.
I didn't think the post was going to be up until tomorrow, so I'm just now reading your wonderful comments. Thank you all so much. I always worry when I start talking about these kinds of things that people are going to write me off as some weird, tree hugging peacenik. Which, you know, I AM, but I still think there's something of value in my journey. Thank you!
Very inspirational, thank you.
Thank you for this. I am currently struggling with a chronic illness and how I feel like my body has been hijacked by it. The voice is still in there. Today I am going to listen a little harder.
I'm not sure why YouTube is suddenly playing ALL of my videos like a medley --including the really embarrassing one from my voice lesson that I THOUGHT was completely private. Don't feel you have to watch any or all of them, by any measure. (I love technology, I really do. I just...would love it more if it didn't conspire against me.)
Thank you for this thoughtful post. Sometimes just starting is the hardest thing to do. Thanks for the inspiration.
I read this again, and asked my little voice what it is saying. It's saying, "You can do this, don't be afraid, you'll be glad you did." Given the anxiety I have about the upcoming unknown, that is comforting. Thank you! Again.
Thank you for this post. Love it and what you've done for yourself. Listening to that still small voice is something I know to do, but don't always follow through with. I have found that when I hear but don't listen and follow, I'm worse off than if I'd have listened. I believe it's a divine guide that is there to help. Thanks for the reminder that I need to shut the ugly voices in my head up and be quiet so I can hear the soft one.
I love this so much, I can't even tell you. Thank you for this post. I've read it three times now, and I keep thinking about it.
Wonderful! Thank you.
Great post, Barb...
Love this, Barb. I used to wonder when I would learn to listen to that small still voice as a "first resort" rather than as a "last resort." It is finally becoming more natural and automatic. I've joined my local Y which has beginner yoga classes ... I'm so excited! I see a shoulder stand in my future ... sometime this decade ~grin~
This reminds me of that commercial - you know, the one. One woman has lost some weight and the other asks her how she did it. "Eating right," she replies, "and whole grains." The other woman completely ignores "eating right" - that's too HARD! - and replies, "hmmm - whole grains".
I'm sorry that yoga is "eating right" for your friends, but hey! whatever works. I am so glad for you, Barb! You just sound so centered and happy these days.