Friday
Aug012014

Full Confessional Friday! 8/1/2014

Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister. 

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    derfwadmanor - Derfwad Manor - Full Confessional Friday! 8/1/2014

Reader Comments (27)

HA! Our roofers just packed up and left. A week of !!!!!!!!! living under a jackhammer.... gosh, what a tough job. I was out in the sun for a few minutes midday and melted like a Hershey bar on the sidewalk, can't imagine their lives.... makes me feel fortunate to be an artist farting around sculpting dogs.
Going to a party tonight. Broken kiln FIXED. All is good, very very lucky in this life, hope the rest of you have a good weekend!

August 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGary Edward Rith

Its Friday. Friday friday friday.

Grateful for this sunny not too hot day with not too many deadlines!
I've managed to clear a lot of deadlines and finish projects and submit applications for shows. Its been a summer. Now for a little bit of unstructured time!

Just a little is enough.

Also, I have to stop being such a crabby pants to my husband. After all, he is just a man.

August 1, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermolly

My son is HOME from a month in the wilderness! Happy Face! But he leaves again for college in 3 weeks. Sad Face!

Molly, you made me laugh! So true. No offense to Gary, of course.

August 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSmalltown Me

I have the next 6 weeks off work thanks to the Boding Leave provision under the Adoption portion of FMLA. It is royally pissing off a few coworkers (which is really just icing on the cake.)

However Lily and I are starting our time together with her being sick - possibly hand, foot and mouth since it's at qute a few daycare centers in the area. We are quarantined until Tuesday to see if the dreaded blisters make an appearance or not.

Also, I'm finally finding my groove as Lily's mom. She may have been into care for some time but I was so used to walking in eggshells to make sure the adoption process went smoothly that I had forgotten that she is my kid and what I say I'm her life goes regardless of what my extended family thinks. It has been extremely empowering over the past few weeks.

August 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTonya

Bonding*

August 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTonya

Times, and things, are a'changin'. Good, bad, and lots in between.

I feel like an invisible and previously-unknown glass boundary inside has been broken, and thoughts that were once taboo are now racing to my mind and to my mouth.

It's refreshing and unbinding, and scary and unpredictable.
And here I thought I couldn't be surprised anymore.

Breaking that glass boundary was the most exquisite kind of hurt -- like when you know you need to crack your lower back, and you bend a bit, then more, and you feel it getting ready to let go, and then it hurts a ton, and then it goes. CRACK. And you're free to move and twist with no more impediment.

I know, cryptic here today. But I'll be sure to share more as things progress.
Imagine me, looking out on my life in a new, strange landscape. It's not a bad thing.

August 1, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkate in MI

Well, I wouldn't let myself post until I took care of this, but I finally wrote the initial inquiry email to the director of the program I'm interested in. We'll see what happens.

My hope is that I can take at least one of the classes before I formally enroll in the program and I would love for it to be this fall. Every September I feel pulled toward school causing a kind of depression when I'm not involved as student, teacher, or instructional designer. I hate that because September is my birthday month and it kills me to mark another year without the thing that I love. So, it's one of those now or never kinds of things. I'm almost 50 and my career thus far has been a whole lot of ambition and not a lot of doing.

So, Mrs. G. I am so proud of you for going back to school. We are the same age and I think you will enjoy the challenge of going back to school. You also have the compassion to be a good teacher. Keep us updated.

Tonya, congratulations!

August 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLisse

I have good friends and I have family. None of them live near me. I have a husband but things are not great right now (stagnant, not actively bad). I would give just about anything right now for friends who really get me who I can just hang out with.

August 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnon

Anon - similar boat. Good friends, very few family members left and none who are close - either geographically or in any other way I guess. My Mother was the epic letter writer and kept up with everyone. Now that she's gone I have tried to at least email family members with greetings. But I'm not getting any feedback and now I'm thinking I'm just over it. I don't suppose it is healthy to admit to being jealous of the folks whose obits I'm reading?

I need a hobby that doesn't involve much money. . .

August 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteralso anon

Okay, today I spent a lot of time in the grocery store seriously considering the purchase of an expensive designer salami. I like salami. But I held this salami for a long, long time before realizing that its entire appeal lay in the fact that it was the size, shape, and heft of the perfect...salami. Ahem.

August 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSungmanitu

Oh, my! Sungmanitu, you just made me laugh out loud, which doesn't happen often enough. A big "ditto" to the two "anons" just above.
I've been feeling restless and know I need to do something about it, but I don't know where to begin. Sometimes I feel like locking up the house and leaving. No idea where to; just away.

August 3, 2014 | Unregistered Commenter~annie

The fact that I'm so late in adding to this pretty much sums up my life right now. I need a break. Before *I* break.

August 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

I'm late too but I just wanted to say I love that dog picture.
On to the coming week. One foot in front of the other...

Sungmanitu--I cracked up reading your comment. I remember reading "Heidi" to my son when he was probably about 6 or 7. At one point in the story, Heidi returns from a visit to her family and brings back gifts to her friends on the mountain. She brings Peter an "enormous sausage". Peter values the sausage and carries his "enormous sausage" around with him for a while. The translation never just said sausage, but always "enormous sausage". By about the third "enormous sausage", I was really struggling not to crack up; by the 10th mention, I just lost it because I apparently have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy.

August 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

LOL Sungmanitu and I can relate to both Anons and Annie too - just driving away has great appeal at the moment.
I have been sick with flu and now laryngitis the past week. Finally took myself off to the doctor's tonight to get a medical certificate for work. I took a seat in the waiting room which happened to be next to the walkway to the entry/exit door so every time someone came in or out there was a cold draft (it's winter here - cold rainy night). No big deal but a bit annoying - I got up a couple of times to shut the door (which has a big sign on it saying "SHUT THE DOOR" on both sides) when it had been left open by people leaving.
Then this woman comes in with her two children, dawdling along, stopping in front of me to check her phone - you guessed it, she leaves the door wide open. So I said (very politely) "Excuse me could you close the door please? There's a cold draft" I thought she was going to hit me she looked so annoyed and then she walked off saying that I should shut it myself if I wanted it shut!
So help me if the doctor hadn't called out my name right then... I was so annoyed!
I feel like I'm getting more annoyed at little things or need to just let things go, right? And here I am getting upset about it all over again! Is it age or menopause or just sick of other people being thoughtless, I don't know... Breathe.......

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

Just got back from a marvelous week's vacation and I'm crashing hard. Thought at first it was coming back to the enormous To Do list, or the fact that school starts in two weeks (goodbye summer) but realized while washing up that the worst part is I miss the girlfriend who joined our family the whole time. It was like having a sister there, and also she filled the big companionship hole my husband leaves empty. Fuck marriage. I need a women's colony. *sigh*

August 9, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterilyanna

Dear Anon, also Anon, and Ilyanna, I'm feeling the same way too, sadly, no body in the family or friend dept to talk to. I miss the companionship. I also think about the women's colony. Like maybe we could do it some where for a week? Sadly cannot go to San Diego. Sick right now. sigh.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSpringhill

I hope you all know the Women's Colony is going to happen in some form or another -- even if it's six broads living in a house on some land.

Thinking of you Jean!

August 12, 2014 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

So, I'm wondering if the private blog ever got off the ground and my invite got lost in the email? Or not yet? I know you are incredibly busy, and wouldn't ask, but . . . hoping that forum might be one in which I could maybe meet some email buddies? Along the lines of old pen pals? For those days when a little human contact might seem like a good thing. Because I do know that I am way too isolated for positive mental health.

August 13, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteralso anon

Also anon -- you're always welcome to contact me directly! I'm a good correspondent and glad to chat.
FWIW -- I am very active on Google Plus (like facebook, but with more interaction and less politics) and I could easily create a private community there for Derfs to hang out for friendship, discussion, and sharing. Let me know if anyone is interested.

August 13, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterilyanna

also anon, the private spot should be ready to roll by this weekend. Ilyanna (bless her!) took on the task of finding a good place to gather without me having to build a new blog, which, frankly, is more than I can handle with the intense course load I am trying to complete so I can officially enter a teaching program. Also good for you for being active in meeting your emotional/mental needs.

August 13, 2014 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

Hi Derfs

I spent the day working with a group of male clients who, several months ago, assaulted me. They used abusive language, called me demeaning names, made sexually suggestive gestures, menaced me, and finally trapped me alone, forcibly held me in place, and pretended to "wipe" themselves on me. They laughed while they did it. Their company is financially necessary for the survival of the one I work for, so even though I reported their behavior, there were no real consequences for them.

Today, they gathered around my work station and stared at me. I couldn't work. I couldn't think. I couldn't even move.

You know, in my life, men have done much worse things to me than that. It just pisses me the f**k off that there's still not a thing I can do about any of it, and that it can still make me too scared to get out of my chair.

August 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Dear Anonymous,
I have been thinking about your distressing situation since you posted yesterday, and it hurts my heart to hear that you or any other woman is still subjected to this type of demeaning behaviour. I am so sorry that you were tormented in this way, and even more sorry that you feel so helpless. You are NOT helpless, and you are not alone. Even if you have to set a nanny cam on your desk to gather evidence, you need to take back control from these cretins. I don't know what kind of sick person delights in doing what you describe happened to you, but I know there are some creative Derfs out there who could help come up with some solutions to empower you and shut down any further torment from these idiots. Be kind to yourself and know that you are capable of more than you think you are.

August 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEllie

Anonymous, this chaps my ass. I would have my cell phone with me at all times and push that record button when those assholes came anywhere near me. I also agree with Ellie's suggestion of using a web/nanny cam, maybe some pepper spray in your purse or pocket would do the trick.

Also, you were sexually assaulted. Have you considered involving the police? I would if no one at your place of business is going to do a damn thing about it. These misogynistic assholes should suffer consequences or they are going to do the same shit on a different day to, God forbid, you or some other woman.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I can't imagine the fear you must have felt.

August 14, 2014 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

Anonymous, you must really be a threatening lady for the big strong men to circle you like a pack of hyenas. Major sarcasm intended. I so feel for you to be in such an awful position and to feel like no one wants to help. Please remember though, it takes no balls to do what they are doing to you, but it does take the most despicable kind of cowardice. Anyone with lady parts and a brain is still very threatening to entitled dicks who are so fearful of losing their power and privileges. I agree with the others above, document, document, document every single incident. I hope things get better for you soon and I'm so very sorry you are going through this.

August 14, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteranonalso

Anonymous, reading what you have been subjected to makes me want to carry a gun and use it-- aimed first at each of their "manhood" and then at their sneering faces. I am livid over this! Yes, document each incident and record them! I would also get an attorney from outside your company because it sounds like your company is asking you to "take one for the team" here.
If those jerks do it to you, they do it to others (I'm guessing that yours is not the only company that relies on financial necessity of their company).

August 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKaren (formerly kcinnova)

Anonymous, I meant to say why documenting is so important. In the case of your company, it's obvious they'll do nothing for you at this point, so the documentation will be needed for your lawsuit. This company is letting you stew in a hostile work environment and may even try to get you to leave so they can keep their lucrative contract. Also the company those trashy males work for, especially if they are aware of the harassment. My best wishes for you girl!

August 15, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteranonalso

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